1. The Veteran
This person is usually a senior, super senior, or that random guy who graduated when you were in middle school but still tells war stories about what it was like “back in the day.” They understand that this three-day weekend is the ultimate marathon everyone strives to complete. When others emphasize that they’ve survived all-day tailgates, The Veteran looks down and laughs. While this person may get on your nerves when they keep repeating “I’ve got this,” don’t be too quick to kick them out of the group. After a couple hours of roaming through Zilker, you’ll be looking up to this person to keep you from dying of heat exhaustion and dehydration.
2. The Instigator
Deep down we all have a renegade quality within us, but you’ll need The Instigator to bring you out of our shell. This is the person hwo will encourage you to take that extra shot that you really shouldn’t. All of a sudden, the thought of doing LSD or molly is completely sane and reasonable. They can literally convince you to do anything, all while sounding responsible and rational. Every group needs one to keep the fun alive, but The Mother will eventually shut this person down and send them home to keep everyone else alive. Which leads me to…
3. The Mother
This is the person wearing their fanny pack with a purpose. They have snacks, Band-Aids, water, sunscreen and are sincerely looking out for the wellbeing of everyone in the group. They are the complete opposite of The Instigator for many obvious reasons. Have a midterm on Monday? Mom will make sure you have fun, but are still able to hold your pencil and write your name on that scantron when the weekend’s over. She’ll be like the cool mom we all wish we had, but slightly resemble our real mom by making sure our lives are partially intact. Mom will put up with just about anything, make sure everyone has a good time, and ensure you’ll leave with at least a piece of your dignity.
4. The Planner
This person is similar to The Mother, however they don’t really give a shit if you make it out alive or not. The Planner has been organizing the best tactics since the lineup was released. They know the best routes to get from one stage to another and exactly what time to round up the troops in order to be close enough to the stage for a decent snapchat. While this person has everything planned to a T, they will end up relying on The Mother to stay alive themselves, as they will inevitably forget things like water and sunscreen.
5. The People Person
Hear me out. Not everyone is a People Person and they can come in handy more than you think. For some, it takes a couple shots and several beers before they’re comfortable enough to go strike up a conversation with randos, and I can’t blame them. However, being a People Person myself, I have no problem asking random people for a bottle of water or to cut in front of them. We make friends with the people around us in less than two seconds and ensure everyone is having a good time. Want a close-up spot to watch Hozier? They’ll go out of their way to casually bump into a few security guards and sweet talk their way into a better standing area. An autograph from Drake? You bet they’ll find his trailer and be able to snag someone in his entourage with whom to casually strike up a conversation about hometowns. The People Person is up for just about anything, with or without alcohol.
6. The Pledge
The Pledge is not really necessary for 99% of ACL. Their phone number, however, is. Need a ride down to Zilker? Call a pledge. Too drunk to get home? Call a pledge. Can’t make it to your Monday 8 a.m.? Call a pledge.
Heading out to ACL this weekend? Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter @totalfratmove to keep up with the TFM crew’s whereabouts. Stuck at home like a miserable dude version of Cinderella? Add us on Snapchat at “TFMofficial” to see the TFM staff take on ACL..