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The 2017 Wife Mock Draft

Evy Cooper

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School: University of Arkansas
Hometown: Dallas, TX
House: Upper Middle Tier
Major: Education
GPA: 2.7
Hair color: Blonde
Height: 5′9
Weight: 135 lbs.
Cup Size: C (look fake, but real as hell)

Pros:
– She’s a Dallas Blonde through and through.
– Legs of a thoroughbred.
– Immaculate set of sweater cutters. Incredible natural talent.
– Gets her entire body lasered once a month. Bald as a buddhist monk.

Cons:
– Not a lot going on upstairs.
– Sense of humor lacking, takes herself way too seriously.
– If we’re being honest, she’s not that hot.
– Way too many ex-boyfriends for her age.

Projected: 5th round risk-reward

Outlook: She’s arm candy at best, and a multi-million dollar divorce settlement at worst. Frequent bar-goer and has ruined more men than Kris Jenner. Rocky relationship past leads us to believe there’s some serious behind the scenes stuff happening. Looks good on paper, and that’s about as far as it goes.

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TheChampionsTour

The Champions Tour is a writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. If you don’t know who he is, just ask your older sister about him.

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