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The 2017 Wife Mock Draft

Julia Gonzalez

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School: Rice
Hometown: Pflugerville, Tx
House: Middle Tier
Major: Linguistics
GPA: 3.3
Hair color: Dark Brown
Height: 5′5
Weight: 120 lbs.
Cup Size: B (round, tiny nipples)

Pros:
– Cheerleader. Rock solid core with lean, powerful quads. Tasty.
– Comes from a prominent family of peanut farmers.
– All-state golfer in high school. Looks so hot in a visor and skirt. Wears those tight little sleeveless polos, too.
– Confident, fearless, aggressive.

Cons:
– Her brother is a gigantic fuck up. Word is the dude hit up her last boyfriend for a couple grand and moved to Fort Lauderdale. She took her brother’s side.
– Atrocious taste. Her apartment looks like the most nightmarish Pinterest page imaginable.
– Parents went through a messy divorce in ‘09. Really screwed her up.

Projected: 3rd round lottery ticket

Outlook: Proceed with extreme caution. Family and trust issues are her biggest red flags. When evaluating longterm prospects, those are huge sticking points. Don’t push all your chips in on this one. Take it slow.

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TheChampionsTour

The Champions Tour is a writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. If you don't know who he is, just ask your older sister about him.

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