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The 2017 Wife Mock Draft

Maddie Schwartz

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School: Syracuse University
Hometown: Buffalo, NY
House: Middle Tier
Major: Advertising
GPA: 3.2
Hair color: Brown
Height: 5′8
Weight: 128 lbs.
Cup Size: Full C

Pros:
– She’s got Madison Avenue written all over her. Corporate as fuck.
– Absolute psycho in the sack.
– Great motor. Energy and pep for days.
– Drinks like a fish. Holds her liquor incredibly well.

Cons:
– Hooks up with her high school boyfriend every time she goes home. He might be in the picture after graduation.
– Was recently seen writing a novel of a text message to a recent hookup at a bar. All our scouts could make out was “REALLY?”
– Stress of senior year has caused her to put on 3-4 pounds. Confident that she can shed that weight, though.

Projected: Mid-first round

Outlook: Driven, smart, 100% firecracker. She’s got the looks and the want-to. She won’t be Suzy Homemaker. She’s gonna be climbing the ladder of success right out of the gate. Large family might be out of the picture, but you’ll be retired at 50 if she gets on the right earning track.

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TheChampionsTour

The Champions Tour is a writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. If you don’t know who he is, just ask your older sister about him.

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