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The 19 Worst Reasons To Pass On Going Greek

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Greek Life isn’t for everyone; I get that. Some people just can’t handle joining an organization that expects you to give as much as you get out of it and forces you, come Hell or high water, to man up along the way. These people are lovingly (or not so lovingly) referred to as God Damned Independents. Sometimes, however, they get the whole system wrong in their heads, and come up with some really strange reasons not to join. Here are a few of them:

1) “I much prefer to sit alone in my room and masturbate.”

2) “Girls? Nah, I’m good.”

3) “Being in a fraternity promotes outdated paternalist elements of our society.”

4) “Alcohol is really bad for you, and I don’t want to be pressured to drink. Also, underage drinking is illegal.”

5) “Friday social events? That’s when my Warcraft guild goes on raids.”

6) “I don’t want to pay for friends. I much prefer to hang out with all the other awkward dudes on my floor.”

7) “Leadership positions just aren’t something I’m interested in. I prefer to be completely mediocre and work at McDonalds until I’m 45.”

8) “Sex before marriage is a sin. No way I’d want to be tempted into sleeping with a girl.”

9) “Pledging sounds hard. I only like to do things that don’t challenge my character.”

10) “The dues are expensive, and I don’t want to get a job to pay for them.”

11) “I’d prefer not to hang out with successful alumni. Can’t take that kind of pressure.”

12) “My grades will go down.”

13) “I’m afraid I won’t be as close with my current friends.”

14) “I was kind of an awkward nerd in high school, and I’d prefer to stay that way.”

15) “Social situations make me nervous. I don’t like meeting new people.”

16) “The idea of being a recognized campus leader makes me nauseous.”

17) “Who wants to be drunk on the weekends for football tailgates? That’s prime Dungeons and Dragons time.”

18) “Greek life sounds really fun, but thanks to that incident last year, no one buttchugs anymore. I can’t join without that.”

19) “None of the chapters on this campus gayze anywhere close to the level I want.”


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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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