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Is Baylor actually this bad at football? Probably not, but I refuse to make any list consisting of “worst” without including the newly-crowned least respected university in America. Baylor has some talent, but their decimated recruiting class and transfers will hamper the depth of future teams.
The Maryland brass went and hired a head coach who was the Michigan defensive coordinator that had just allowed a million yards (roughly) to Ohio State and Indiana. With a rookie coach, statistically the worst quarterback in America, and the loss of nine starters, Maryland is completely fucked.
8. Boston College
Head Coach Steve Addazio is a great guy, but an absolutely horrific offensive coach. Steven Glansberg has a better chance of scoring than the Eagles, languishing at the bottom of college football’s most inept conference in most offensive categories. Losing defensive coordinator Don Brown after a #1 overall finish in total defense further cements BC’s ineptitude. They missed a bowl with the best defense in the nation — imagine what happens this year.
Purdue is really bad, Darell Hazell is probably a terrible coach but I don’t think it’s fair to judge him on this, and Purdue is shedding quarterbacks like Texas A&M only without the fanfare, because, well, who gives a fuck? It’s Purdue. Hazell’s tenure has been a raging dumpster fire, though, in fairness, the flames had already ignited towards the end of the Joe Tiller era, and throughout the hopelessness of the ironically named Danny Hope. Purdue recruits worse than most MAC teams and has won less than ten games in the last four seasons. Total.
They’re situated in one of America’s greatest college towns with unlimited resources, the best recruiting base in the nation, top notch facilities, and history books brimming with tradition. Yet, they’re terrible and have been now for the better part of half a decade. Texas has every advantage, and still fails repeatedly and humiliatingly. That fucking sucks.
5. Oregon State
I thought the Beavers were the winners of the bizarre 2014 coaching merry-go-round that saw Gary Andersen abruptly leave Wisconsin for his supposed dream job in Corvallis? But the great Mike Riley left the cupboard empty, leaving the new staff a twisted game of Where’s Waldo? to find actual Power 5-level talent. Things aren’t going to get much better this year, with a deep PAC 12 readying to run train on the still laughably untalented Bad News Beavers.
This is the peak of hopelessness, the zenith of sustained ineptitude. The last time Kentucky was “good,” the Hefty Lefty was slamming quarter pounders and co-eds on his way to a middling bowl berth and diabetes. Kentucky is totally overmatched in their own conference, and now, with Petrino philandering his way back to Louisville, in their own state as well. Mark Stoops has maintained his barely under .500 pedigree, showcasing essentially no improvement to his record at any time during his tenure.
New Coach Chris Ash has already won this year’s award for the most obnoxious coach without a résumé. Now the coach of the nation’s least exciting university, Ash immediately declared a “wall” built around the fruitful state of New Jersey. The only problem is the Buckeyes and Wolverines combined to sign seven of the top eight players from New Jersey, with #1 overall player Rashan Gary ending up in Ann Arbor. The one they missed? He’s a Tennessee Volunteer.
While not in the Power 5, SMU football just flat out sucks and couldn’t be left off the list. SMU football makes me sad, not just because I’m convinced the players have mental deficiencies, but because of the unfairness the last three decades have illuminated in the offices of the NCAA. NOTHING SMU did that warranted the “death penalty” was worse than Pete Carroll’s USC, Baylor and Penn State’s disgusting scandals, and what is undoubtedly going on with Hugh Freeze and much of the SEC.
Kansas is not just bad, they’re so pathetic that it might seriously be time to close up shop and move on. Their coach’s Wikipedia page lists his past experience as a high school head man… of a girl’s soccer team. Kansas likely won’t win a game this year, aside from a showdown with Rhode Island. Somebody give Bill Self a hug and a massive raise. When does basketball season start?.
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