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TFM’s Holiday Gift Guide

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Happy Cyber Monday, degenerates. We’re assuming that 99% of you haven’t started Christmas shopping yet, and that 100% of you spent every dime to your name at the bar over Thanksgiving break. Fortunately for you, we’ve put together a list of effort-free, discounted gifts to ease that crippling, hangover-fueled holiday shopping anxiety.

If you’re a student with a .edu email address, do yourself a favor and grab a 6 Month FREE Amazon Prime trial membership. Prime hooks you up with free 2-day shipping, access to Amazon Video, Amazon Music, and tons of other crap that you need up in your life. Students apply here.

Alright, let’s get down to brass tacks. Here’s TFM’s “Online Holiday Shopping Guide For People Who Can’t Shop Good.”

Stocking Stuffers: $15 or less


Panasonic Headphones with microphone. $11.

A great gift for your drug dealer. Now he can drop 8-balls by the crib without risking a citation for talking on his cell while driving. How considerate is that? Hands-free 8-balls for all.

Click here to buy now – our link saves you $9

iOttie Easy One Touch 2 Car Mount Holder For iPhone, Galaxy, and every other relevant phone on the market. $14.

Sober driving has never been so easy! A pledge class favorite, give this to your favorite goat and watch him become the G.O.A.T.

Click below to buy now – our link saves you $16:

Total Frat Move, New York Times Bestseller $14

The novel that started it all. No bookshelf or dorm desk is complete without it.

Click here to buy now – our link saves you $5

iPhone 6 Plus Screen Protector. $7.

We all have a friend with a cracked iPhone screen. The unblemished iPhone screen is a bit of a unicorn on college campuses. Drinking heavily + drunk texting = cracked screen. That shit is science. Give a screen protector to the casual acquaintance standing behind you in the elephant walk line this holiday season.

Click below to buy now – our link saves you $7:

Gifts: $50 Or Less


You may be saying to yourself, $50 FUCKING DOLLARS?!?!?!??!?!?!?! That’s fair. Fifty smackers is a lot of money if you’re poor. Are you poor? If so, please accept this custom made blackball for Christmas and take your student loans to an off-campus apartment where you can live with the friends you’ve made while waiting tables at Applebee’s.

Fitbit. $39.

Maybe you’re buying this as a gift for your middle-aged brother-in-law that has transitioned from dad bod to a fat POS. Fitbit will let him know that “all you can eat hot wings” makes you FaF (that stands for fat as fuck, 30+ year old losers).

Click below to buy now – our link saves you $21:

PS4 Wireless Controller. $49.

Tired of playing video games online with a bunch of middle schoolers? If you’re not, you should be. Buy a few controllers for the frat house and go multiplayer with your bros, you fucking creep.

Click here to buy now – our link saves you $16

PS4 Wireless Controller Charger: $25.

Real talk, you need battery chargers for the wireless controllers you just bought above. We’re just looking out.

Click here to buy now – our link saves you $5

Gifts For Yourself: Priceless


Bestway Lay-Z-Spa Palm Springs Inflatable Hot Tub. $450.

Want to be like UCLA Quarterback Josh Rosen? Me neither — envy is for geeds. That being said, I need a fucking hot tub in my room.

Click here to buy now – our link saves you $150

Beats By Dre Solo2 Headphones. $139.10.

The headphones come in every color in the rainbow, which is totally PC, bro.

Click here to buy now – our link saves you $60

High-End Drunk Purchase Gifts: $$$$


Philips Norelco Shavers. Prices Vary. Savings Don’t.

This is one for good ole Pops. Grab his credit card, click this link, and thank the man for all that he does for you. Our link saves you up to 50%

LG 65-Inch HD Smart TV. $1,249.99.

With so many stupid pledges, the house needs a Smart TV – and this one is 50% off. The College Football Playoff will never be the same with this bad boy.

Click here to buy now – Our link saves you $1250

Asfour Crystal Tut Anhk Amon Chair. $140,000.

Because why the fuck not? It’s not on sale, but it’s 1-of-a-kind, and I bet it’ll be gone by tomorrow. Click below to buy – our link saves you $0:

This post is not a sponsored promotion. However, Grandex Inc. may receive a commission.

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