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MVP of the Week: SAS soldier who murked six ISIS militants, saving his squad
When his team was pinned down in a ditch after being ambushed by ISIS militants, one unnamed hero sprinted across a field under a hail of gunfire and took out six of the bastards in just a few minutes. The incredible act of valor allowed the men to escape unharmed.
Douchebag of the Week: Dude who jacked up the price of AIDS meds
When Martin Shkreli stands near a woman in a crowded bar, she covers the top of her drink with her hand. He also bought the rights to a life-saving AIDS/cancer drug before hiking up the price from $18 to $750, and once offered an ex-girlfriend 10K to go down on her. There’s a line between capitalism and inhumanity, and Shkreli leaped over it. I hope he falls on a gorilla’s dick and gets full-blown AIDS.
After becoming the world’s most hated man over night, Shkreli promised to cut down the price of the drug, though the new price has yet to be specified.
Shkreli is also a shoo-in for this week’s “Most Likely to Hug A Female Co-Worker Just A Little Too Long.”
Most Duck Faces Made: (TIE) Donald Trump, Sally from Westfield Middle School
Best “What Are Thooose!?” Video:
A couple months old, but it was everywhere this week.
Most Marijuana Smoked: E-40
Most Lit Track: Pope Francis, “Wake Up! Go! Go! Forward!” from his fire new album, “Wake Up!”
Crusty Sock Award: Bilyalova Sveta
This week, the woman most responsible for the reallocation of blood in my body was Bilyalova Sveta, an Instagram model from Russia.
Most Likely To Say “Violent Movies Are Just So Scary”: John Boehner
Boehner sobbed uncontrollably throughout his entire term as Speaker of The House, and things were no different when the Pope visited D.C. last week. Boehner also announced his resignation, so of course the water works were in full force.
Good lord, man. Pull yourself together. Props for being a good sport about it, though:
Of course; everyone knows it doesn’t take an act of God. https://t.co/W730ftzEsp
— Speaker John Boehner (@SpeakerBoehner) September 24, 2015
Father of the Week: Rich Homie Quan
The rapper posted a video of himself roasting a jay with his infant son in his lap, who looks like he caught more than a few secondhand whiffs.
Little dude definitely got the munchies and left Miss Homie Quan’s tits bone dry.
Most Corn In One Video: Guy with cornrows eating corn whilst listening to Korn.
Least Fucks Given: Redskins fan wearing red face
— HuffPost Sports (@HuffPostSports) September 25, 2015
While watching his dumpster-fire of a team lose to an equally shitty New York Giants, this bold ‘Skins fan showed his unwavering support by painting his face red. People were pissed.
Best News Tip: This guy.