======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
About two years ago — after a 12-or-so-year run — I officially called it quits on fantasy football due to my discovery of DFS sites as well as a very selective memory loss problem that only affected my ability to remember when the live draft was. Honestly, though, I’m glad I got out when I did, considering that I a) have asshole friends, and b) have asshole friends who are relatively recent graduates and, therefore, have nothing better to do than come up with ridiculous last-place punishments. Friends like Texas Tech grad Lucas’, who made him go on a date with a blow up doll after he came in dead last in his fantasy league.
Truth be told, it’s a tale pretty much taken straight from a Nicholas Sparks novel. For your reading pleasure, here is the romantic story of Lucas and “Hillary” told in 12 fantastic tweets.
You know what they say about the Olive Garden: When you’re here, you’re family. They don’t take that slogan loosely. Olive Garden accepts all comers, even if you’re a dude who sucks at fantasy football and a, quite frankly, frumpy-looking blowup doll. It’s a supremely messed-up family, for sure, but that’s what makes the OG so special.
Also, side note: I bet Lucas fucked that blow up doll afterwards. In all of the holes..
Image via @L_Mac20