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Tennessee Tech TKE Members Catch Dumb Thief Trying To Rob Them

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An unbelievable moron was arrested after trying to rob a fraternity house on Thursday morning.

From The Citizen Herald:

Shawn T. Lamberson, of Phillips Drive, was charged with aggravated burglary in connection with the incident.

Cookeville Police Officer Christian Smith said he responded to the Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity in response to a stolen lawn mower.

Cookeville, Tennessee, the seat of Putnam County and home of such distinguished institutions as Tennessee Tech and Mister Waynes School of Unisex Hair Design, is a sleepy community of 30,000 not generally known for an epidemic of lawn and garden equipment theft.

Lambertson pulled into the TKE house parking lot very early Thursday morning (which in cop language usually means around two in the morning) and basically tried to roll the mower right into his car.

Obviously, Lambertson knows nothing about fraternities, because if he did, he’d realize that we traditionally get thirsty and two in the morning marks the beginning of peak nighttime activity for the week.

TKE members rolled into the parking lot, saw the dumbass trying to steal their mower, and ordered him to stop. Lambertson got scared and tried to gun his car to freedom, only to immediately crash into a gate at the back of the parking lot, where TKE members restrained him until the cops came.

It’s hard to know what Lambertson was thinking when he decided to poke the bear, but a message to all other asshole thieves who eye the glittering frat palaces of America and want to tempt their luck:

You are assaulting a fortress. My fraternity house is my castle, and my brothers are an army that will defend that castle. We spend our days fighting and wrestling each other for fun, we all have a set of golf clubs in our room, and most of us are usually a few shots in anytime after 5 PM on Wednesday. Messing with us is a bad idea.

We are not a soft target, and we’ll get you every time. Stick to shoplifting from KMart.

Good job TKEs.

The Citizen Herald]

Image via Twitter/@TKETech

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Doctor Franzia

*Not qualified to practice medicine*

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