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The cutest goddamn goat on the planet belongs to a member of Tennessee Tech University’s Kappa Sigma fraternity. Over the weekend, some members of the Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity — a.k.a. total scumbags — allegedly tried to goatnap him. Oh, and his name is Ranger. The goat’s name is fucking Ranger and I can’t handle the cuteness. Is he wearing a diaper in the above picture? Holy shit, he is. Ranger wears a diaper. Ranger in a diaper is so cute that if I die today, I’ll have lived a fulfilled life after seeing Ranger in a diaper.
Look at Ranger giving shoutouts on Twitter. How cute is that? He calls out the TKEs for trying to steal him, then he has serious hashtag game. He makes a goat pun and leaves a clue in consecutive hashtags.
— Ranger (@Rangerthegoat) April 13, 2015
Here’s the story, via an anonymous tipster:
The TKE fraternity at Tennessee Tech University tried to steal the Kappa Sigma chapter’s pet goat last night. They were caught in the act. However, seeing as this is the same university where SAE burnt down their house last spring, but were allowed to stay on campus, it’s not likely anything will happen to TKE as punishment because the university doesn’t seem to punish people here. With all these animal cruelty things in the media lately this was a terrible and down right inhuman thing to do on TKE’s part. But no one is surprised it was them because the old saying of, “If you can’t go Greek, go TKE!” is definitely true for the members of Tennessee Tech’s TKE chapter. The goat is actually pretty cool and has become a mascot for the Kappa Sigs. He even has his own twitter account @Rangerthegoat if you want to check him out. Only the lowest of the low would steal another man’s pet like that.
“Only the lowest of the low would steal another man’s pet like that.”
Agreed. Especially a pet like Ranger. Ranger just wants to graze, take naps, and be loved. Burn ’em. Burn these monsters at the stake. Stone them first. Stone them, burn them, then let Ranger piss on their ashes.
He’s just a small town goat, livin’ in a lonely world, wearing diapers and capturing the hearts of America. #GoatLife.
— Ranger (@Rangerthegoat) April 11, 2015