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As someone who was reared in the era of the University of Tennessee PIKE butt chugging fiasco, UT Knoxville’s Greek scene will always be as near and dear to my heart as those Franzia-filled beer bongs were to the Tennessee PIKEs’ anuses. Before Caitlyn Jenner, bathroom debates, and protests about whether or not the archaic English word “niggardly” is racist, the UT PIKE chapter was breaking barriers that many people believed were not meant to be broken (most notably the sphincter) and showing the world that if we all just put aside our differences, we can drink wine through our b-holes, wind up in the hospital, and potentially die — which would put us all out of the misery that is existing in 2017. (Ass) food for thought.
But that UT Greek life isn’t this UT Greek life. UT Knoxville’s fraternities have totally moved away from all that “using your poopshoot as a second mouth” monkey business, and anyone who claims they haven’t is a liar. UT Knoxville’s current Greek students aren’t fingering their own assholes with plastic tubing; they’re getting their assholes fingered by the long, cold digits of the University of Tennessee’s administration — and they’re looking damn cool while taking it (in the ass).
Of the University of Tennessee’s 19 fraternities on the school’s Interfraternity Council, only seven are in “good standing” with the university.
There are 16 active chapters and three that have been suspended.
In the last three years, three fraternities have been kicked off campus for hazing their pledges including forcing them to perform militaristic exercises and activities using food and garbage.
Having less than half your school’s active chapters be in good standing with the university is a lot like having to host a legitimate press conference in a (failed) attempt to convince the world that you didn’t attempt to drink a boxed alcoholic beverage through your butthole. Not because both are still things that happen at the University of Tennessee; I already stated that butt chugging is no longer a thing there. I merely meant that both are things that I respect to the highest degree, but that I’m very happy are not my cross to bear.
On the bright side, the UT fraternities aren’t involved in a scandal involving anal penetration this time and instead are just getting persecuted for being badasses who treat their pledges like POWs. Luckily they’ve moved past all that butt chugging stuff, and it’s as far behind them as the PIKE holding up the beer bong was behind Xander (who I’ve since dubbed the Patron Saint of Butt Chugging).
If the fraternities are getting in so much trouble to where UT’s administration keeps dropping them like it’s nothing, UT Knoxville’s fraternities are clearly full of dudes who don’t play by the rules. Guys who pave their own paths. Trailblazers, if you will. Men who are willing to boldly go where no man has gone before (aside from maybe their proctologist).
There must be something in the water over there in Knoxville. I’d have said “the merlot” instead of “the water,” but as I already said — UT Knoxville is different now. They’re not like that anymore..
Image via YouTube