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UPDATE: Team USA Wins by 47

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Team USA won by 47, then they signed autographs for Team Tunisia afterwards.


According to, it is.

I know what everyone is thinking: The fuck is Tunisia? Well, I just Googled it, and it looks like a neat little country. They have a nice spread out there on the Mediterranean across from Italy. It’s just that their basketball is nothing to write home about. The point spread for today’s game is a whopping 55 points.

I remember one time during basketball practice my freshman year of high school (yeah, I played basketball as a freshman and I used to rain threes from anywhere on the court), we scrimmaged the girls varsity team. With the obvious Y-chromosomal advantage, our coach made us play defense with our hands behind our backs and we weren’t allowed to dribble on offense. We won the scrimmage 21 – 2. I straight stuffed the shit out of some chick with my forehead. She pump-faked me, but I didn’t bite on it. She then went up for about a 12-foot ‘J’ and I jumped and head-butted the ball about 25 feet in the air with a thunderous thud. The gym erupted. True goddamn story.

If you haven’t yet figured out where I’m going with this, Tunisia is the girls varsity team. Team USA is playing the role of my freshmen team, and they’re about to put a hurting on Tunisia something nasty. It’s still unclear whether or not they will be allowed to dribble and use their hands on defense today, but the absurd 55-point spread would suggest they will.

I’m also hearing that Vegas is considering setting a ‘Kevin Durant vs. Tunisia’ line at Durant + 1.5. Some sweet action. Don’t forget to tune in today at 5:15 ET to watch Team USA tee off on the Tunisians.

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Dillon Cheverere

Dillon Cheverere (@DCheverere) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email:

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