2016 is weird as shit. That loud orange guy from The Apprentice might become president, a bunch of our heroes left us (Prince, David Bowie, Muhammad Ali, Harambe), and the Chicago Cubs might finally beat their curse.
We also have a creepy clown epidemic on our hands. Reports of scary-as-fuck clowns walking around at night being scary-as-fuck have been shoved into our news broadcasts and social media feeds, effectively finally chipping away at what was at our last tiny bit of hope in humanity that we had left. In at least 20 states, this has been reported. Some schools have even closed due to threats from clowns. Holy fuck I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. Being a kid must suck now. There used to be snow days but now there are clown days. Do you think kids stay up at night wearing their pajamas inside out hoping there will be a clown day tomorrow?
But corporate America is finally cracking down and taking some action against these fucking clowns, because god dammit someone has to. Target has put their foot down and flipped a giant middle finger to these insane red-nosed douchebiscuits. Whether they’ve gone too far or if they’re overreacting is up to you. But the chain of superstores has officially pulled clown masks from their shelves for Halloween, as an innocent precaution/ a full blown call to war.
From USA Today:
The company made the decision to pull some of the masks online and in stores last week, according to Joshua Thomas, a spokesperson for Target.
“Given the current environment, we have made the decision to remove a variety of clown masks from our assortment, both in stores and online,” Thomas said in an email statement.
Is this ridiculous? Will it help us defeat these bastards? Or is it just a lame shallow attempt that won’t help at all? Or maybe just a positive gesture? Who the hell knows.
There are many ways to defeat clowns. If there’s anything we learned from Heath Ledger it’s that the best way to defeat evil clowns is to give them a sleeping pill prescription. Either way, hopefully we can continue take proper precautions until we figure all this clown crap out..
[via USA Today]
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