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Superhero Showdown: Who Is More Frat, Bruce Wayne Or Tony Stark?

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It seems as if the general public can’t get enough of Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man and Christian Bale’s Batman. While both are undeniably badass, it is their public identities that really embody the principles of cool. In order to understand how frat these two characters are, one must take into account the lives they lead outside of their superhero suits.

Careers And Net Worth

Fighting crime is all well and good, but it doesn’t pay jack shit. You gotta pay the bills somehow, and we all know they aren’t renting out Stark Tower or the Bat Cave for extra cash. A superhero’s daytime job is something to consider when deciding who’s more frat. Luckily for these two, their “real life” professions are pretty sweet.

Bruce Wayne inherited Wayne Enterprises, a massively successful private technology and weapons company. His considerable wealth comes from the company’s continued revenue generation and his trust fund, which is larger than the divide between Republicans and Democrats. Forbes lists Wayne’s net worth at a tidy $6.9 billion on their Fictional 15 list.

Tony Stark is the heir to Stark Industries, the premiere weapons design and manufacturing company in America. Not to be outdone, Stark is a successful industrialist and a brilliant engineer (and a playboy philanthropist). America’s government pays handsomely for Stark’s contributions to national defense, because he loves America…and money. Although his executive assistant takes care of most of the day-to-day activities, Tony is the face and driving force behind Stark Industry’s continual success. Forbes estimates Tony Stark is worth $9.3 billion. Fuck off, Trump.

According to Wu Tang Clan’s C.R.E.A.M. philosophy, the almighty dollar is the most important aspect of life. If we go by this line of thinking, Tony Stark comes out ahead by about 2.4 billion reasons.

Notable Romantic Interests

You can’t be a cool superhero without some high quality companionship, but both alter egos need some sugar, too.

Some of the women Batman/Bruce Wayne has been linked to over the years include Selina Kyle/Catwoman, Pamela Isley/Poison Ivy, Talia al Ghul, and Julia Pennyworth (Alfred’s daughter, which should have made for an awkward time around Wayne Manor post-break up).

For Tony Stark, the comics and the movies differ. One thing remains the same, however, and that is that he slept with a plethora of yearning females. In the films, we are led to believe he consistently engaged in casual one-night stands with all the Maxim calendar girls before he and Gwyneth Paltrow started knocking boots. That lifestyle sounds pretty good to us too.

Both guys do pretty well with women. But, Bruce Wayne is rumored to have fathered a child with Talia al Ghul who is, by the way, the daughter of one of Batman’s fiercest enemies. Over the course of human history one thing has never changed: banging your nemesis’ daughter is the frattest form of revenge.

Superhero Abilities

It’s not like we could have this debate without discussing their abilities.

As two of the primary human heroes, Wayne and Stark do not have any “super” abilities–although their skills as humans are truly incredible. This makes their comparison all the more important. They’re kind of like the Coke and Pepsi of crime fighters.

Despite Bruce Wayne’s public playboy persona, he actually possesses genius level intellect. As Batman, he is the world’s greatest detective and one of its most impressive minds. He has a photographic memory, is a master of disguise and stealth, and is well versed in technology. Physically, few normal humans can match Wayne. He is a master of several fighting forms of martial arts and is in impeccable shape. Batman’s utility belt is equipped with several effective non-lethal weapons in addition to a myriad of helpful gadgets. Basically, he’s a walking Walmart that can whoop your ass.

Tony Stark is also ridiculously brilliant. He embraces his playboy persona and is truly as reckless as Robert Downey, Jr. portrays him. His abilities in the Iron Man suit include superhuman strength, flight, durability, life support, and a whole arsenal of don’t-fuck-with-me” weaponry built in.

Yet, Bruce Wayne is on the front line fighting up close and personal with his enemies. While the Batsuit provides a certain level of protection, it is in no way the indestructible body armor used by Stark. Batman puts himself at more risk and eliminates his enemies with his bare hands sans flashy tricks. For this reason, Batman is just a notch more badass than Iron Man.

Stark may have more money, but there is no way he is as frat as Batman/Bruce Wayne. The Caped Crusader knows how to go hard in both the penthouse and on rooftops. So, sorry Tony, but you just don’t live up to Bruce.

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Beer Can Bro

Don't put Twinkies on your Pizza.

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