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Super Bowl 45 Recap

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TEXAS- The weather in Texas cleared up, and it was finally a beautiful day in Arlington at Jerry’s World for Super Bowl 45. Still, things got off to a rocky start.

Don’t give me the finger you new money trash terrorist. Come on Christina. You’ve got to be shitting me. You don’t know the National Anthem? Why didn’t Jerry have her taken out by a sniper? One of my pledge brothers who had already thrown up once pre-game due to excessive raging still remembered the words because he loves America. All of this on Ronald Reagan’s 100th birthday. Shameful.

Thankfully, this patriotic reading of the Declaration of Independence by the NFL during the pre-game made up for Aguilera’s fail.

It was a great game between two classic teams with great history and tradition. There wasn’t too much excitement, and in the end, the Packers came out on top thanks to Aaron Rodgers’ accuracy and rhythm. Even after two of their team’s leaders (Charles Woodson and Donald Driver) went down, they powered through and got the W. Kinda funny how Rodgers already has as many Super Bowl wins as his predecessor, Brett “check out my dick” Favre, and Rodgers claimed the Super Bowl MVP award, which Brett “I take dick pics” Favre never received.

W. was also in attendance, taking a seat in Jerry’s booth next to his lovely wife, and John Madden (who looked as if he downed a large dose of horse tranquilizer).

Apparently, there was a trend of advertising to GDIs this Super Bowl. First, this Pepsi Max commercial in which some worthless hipster teaches a geed how to fire Pepsi cans at some seemingly FaF guy’s family jewels.

Audi Commercial: Evidently, they are trying to take some sales from Mercedes by appealing to new money, asking consumers to distinguish themselves from traditional old money. NF. Sorry, we’re not sorry you didn’t get a bid.

And in closing, it was hilarious during the pregame show when Owen Wilson tried to put on a happy face and toss the pigskin to pretend he wasn’t suicidal. He’s the only guy in the world who even at the Super Bowl just looks like he’d rather be deep-throating a 12-gauge.

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