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Stuff Frat People Like: America

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We may all have our differences come football season and over the outcome of the Civil War, but there are a few things we as Fraternal gentlemen coast to coast can all agree on.

A glass of whiskey. Proclaiming our superiority over GDI’s. A round of golf. Post-bar raw dog sessions. All of these things are unanimously decided as “great” in the almighty Gospel of Frat, but one place holds itself in regard above all others. I’m talking, of course, about America.

As any true Fraternity man will tell you, America is the best damn country anyone could live in, and other places just pale in comparison. Just try to play “Proud to be an American” at a party at the Frat Castle without the whole room singing along. It simply can’t be done.

We take the standard “USA! USA!” chant and apply it to everyday events. Just finished chugging your beer? USA! Aced an exam without studying? USA! Just got tested clean during the campus herpes outbreak? USA! USA! USA!

Everyone’s favorite “Land of the Free” is also where the Greek system as we know it began. Where else could a group of college men get together and unite under a banner of brotherhood and binge alcohol consumption at the same time? Do you really think Europe could pull that off?

We like to give credit where its due, and we know none of our debauchery would be possible without a country as great as our own. Open any closet in a Fraternity House and you are guaranteed to find at least 3 ridiculous American themed articles of clothing. Granted, that t-shirt sporting an American Eagle clutching an AK-47 Assault Rifle in it’s talons isn’t appropriate for an everyday bar crawl, but on special occasions (World Cup, the Olympics, Tuesday Afternoon) you have a duty as a citizen to wear it as proudly as possible.

Europe can keep its tight shirts and Capris, I’ll stick to properly fitting clothes that don’t make me look like an 11-year old girl. This is America: home of the Baconator, Plastic Surgery, Ronald Reagan, and the almighty Frat life.

So go ahead and shotgun that American Flag adorned Budweiser, you deserve it. In America no Redcoats or Nazis or GDI’s are going to be able to stop you. As you triumphantly toss the empty stars-and-stripes can to the ground like the “bombs bursting in air.” Remember, you’re in the one and only “Home of the Brave,” Frat accordingly.

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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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