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Study Confirms Feminists and Environmentalists Are Worthless

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A recent Canadian batch of studies has confirmed what we already knew: everyone hates environmentalists and feminists. This is possibly the best thing to come from Canada since maple syrup and Elisha Cuthbert. Still doesn’t quite make up for Bieber and Avril Lavigne, however.

The studies confirmed that the negative associations commonly held against these groups actually hinder their ability to make social change. Hear that femme-nazis and climate change commandos? The more ridiculous you act, the less likely it is that you’ll actually influence anyone.

I’ve had my fun with feminists in the past few weeks. My Perfect Girlfriend and High-Waisted Shorts columns both caused an e-uproar over the “misogynistic” tone I took while writing for this intentionally over-the-top comedy website. It warms my heart knowing that all of these self-righteous bloggers’ efforts were completely in vain.

In one of the studies, participants were asked to use a few words to describe these two activist groups. The results were overwhelmingly and hilariously negative. Typical environmentalists were described as “tree-huggers” and “hippies,” while the menstrual masses were called “unhygienic” and “man-hating.” Sounds about right to me.

One of the more interesting studies conducted seems to be the most informative. Three groups read the exact same article on climate change, with the only difference lying in the description of the author. One group was told the author was a highly active environmentalist who regularly participated in rallies for the cause. The second group was told that the author participated in some campaigns, but didn’t parade his beliefs in a typical environmentalist fashion. The third group was told nothing about the author. I think we can all guess the result here.

It turns out that readers were the least likely to agree with the stereotypical in-your-face environmentalist, despite the identical wording in each article. Hear that activists? Be less active, because forcing your beliefs upon someone else hasn’t worked once in the entire history of humanity.

Do you think the Native Americans thought, “Gee, this Jesus guy doesn’t sound so bad,” after a slew of Conquistadors raped and pillaged their entire existence? An extreme example, sure, but a limited version of the same concept applies. Nobody wants to get blasted by generic recycled “You’re wrong and we are right” nonsense.

For all you tree-huggers and unwashed man-haters out there, I have one piece of advice. Shut the fuck up for once. You might actually get something done.



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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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