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Squish Dick The Frat Donkey

frat donkey

There once was a donkey named Squish Dick, who was known for having a huge prick. He lived on a farm, complete with a barn, and a woman who was built extra thicc. Now this woman’s son, really liked to have fun, so on he went to college. And when he got there, he met a rush chair, and decided he didn’t need knowledge. To a fraternity he pledged, and to the cause he full-fledged, his goal to become a brother. But he didn’t have the cash, so out of the system he crashed, and he ended up pledging another.

The son made it through the second semester, when the frat mascot, a dog named Sylvester, came down extremely ill. Soon Sylvester did pass — God that sucked ass — but the dog’s role they needed to fill. Everyone was stumped, they were thoroughly trumped, when the son had a brilliant idea.

“I know a mascot, we may hit the jackpot, as long as you all don’t mind diarrhea.”

That’s how Squish Dick became a Greek donkey, an icon perhaps a bit wonky, but no better frat hound did exist. Before nationals showed up, they thought Squish Dick was a pup… Man, were they ever pissed.

The following year, a cause for good cheer, the new pledge class had finally arrived. While in his new role, on frat mascot patrol, Squish Dick had essentially thrived. To the job of watching their prized pet, the brothers assigned a pledge vet: a short, stocky kid named Ben. But as more time did pass, Ben became jealous of the ass, so he shit in the donkey’s pen. Then Ben got drunk, threw up all over his bunk, and passed out dead to the world. When the sun came up, the brothers found their donkey fucked up, and went looking for the boy who had hurled.

He’d eaten all Ben’s shit, his nerves’d had a fit, and Squish Dick the Donkey had died. That rat fuck Ben, ended up sleeping past 10, and about Squish Dick’s death? He lied. He said it must have been natural, the evidence was circumstantial, how could it be my fault? But the brothers found the shit, and Ben they all did hit. Hell, it was definitely assault. The fraternity balled Ben’s dumb ass, took him out of the pledge class, sent that little bitch home. It ended up working out, of this there’s little doubt, they upgraded when they replaced Ben with Jerome.

The brothers at the very next chapter, because of this whole disaster, shed more than just a few tears. Some of the brothers were sad, some others were mad, they felt like they mourned for a year. The son soon stood up, and said as he raised his cup, “For that donkey, let’s open some beer!”

So ends the tale of Squish Dick, the donkey known for his huge prick — he led one hell of a career.

Image via Shutterstock

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Old_Ironsides

Wooden hulled, three masted heavy frigate. Named by President George Washington.

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