Only $50 for this permanent body-scarring torture device? Hell of a deal right here, guys. Pass this one up and you’re a moron.
Delta Tau Delta Branding Iron – $50 (Burnet, Texas)
This the real deal branding iron [sic]. Made like branding irons have been made for years. Not a cheap aluminum toy. The letters are 7″ wide, 2 1/2″ tall and the handle is 26 1/2″ long. I can arrange for you to view this item most any time. Just email me or call five one two-xxx-xxxx to arrange a time to come see it.
Have your traditional hazing techniques grown stale? Are too many pledges making it through all the way to initiation? Are they not permanently displaying their fraternal affiliation somewhere on their bodies? Are they not crying enough from your outlandish emotional or physical persecution? Want them to? Well, here’s your chance in the form of this American made ΔTΔ branding iron.
Let me tell you how it works: first, you must start a fire. After your fire is good and hot — and you want it to be as hot as possible — stick the business end of your iron into fire and let it sit until the “ΔTΔ” letters turn bright red. That’s how you’ll know it’s ready. Then, you’ll have to pick out a spot on the pledge’s body to brand. Might we suggest an ass cheek. That skin there is really sensitive, so it’ll basically be the worst pain your pledge will ever feel in his entire life. He’ll pretty much want to die from the pain. Stick him with the iron and hold it down. Now, he’ll starting yelling at the top of his lungs and try to squirm free, but hold it there like it’s your job. Remember, it’s a one-shot deal, so you don’t want to mess it up. That shit is permanent.
Finally, what’s up with this guy typing out his area code all phonetically like that instead of the standard “512” that everyone else in the world has adopted? Is he trying to appear super refined and sophisticated like he’s auctioning off a piece of royal memorabilia from Buckingham Palace? Dude, you’re selling a fraternity-lettered branding iron on the same website where people offer up their coffee tables and old clothes in exchange for tug jobs and ass play. Lose the act.
[H/T to Brady Blackout]