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It seems that no matter where you go for a house party, there are certain things you can’t escape. Whether you’re looking for an evening to kick back and relax or are drunkenly stumbling in after what’s already been an eventful night, from the moment you walk in you’re bound to meet a few of these people who help make the party what it truly is. Afterwards, they usually give you plenty to laugh about and mock later. Let’s meet them.
The Drinking Game “Expert”
Even if you’re nowhere near the beer pong table or any other drinking games, you’re still bound to come across this guy. Regardless of whether or not you choose to challenge him, he’ll still declare a game against you by claiming he’s the “all time champion” and that he never loses. He’ll make up his own house rules (“Bitches blow? Yeah right buddy, it’s called DEFENSE”) even though it’s not his house. And when he’s down by five cups and other people are waiting to take on the winner, he’ll still always claim he has next game. Ask for a diamond re-rack and he’ll be quick to criticize you by claiming you’re doing it wrong. After a good two or three games, it’s time to move on and let “the champ” be.
The “I’m Not Drunk” Girl
It shouldn’t take long to run into this one. Her favorite line, “Whateva bitches, I’m not duh-runk,” makes up her name. She could be stumbling into you, spilling her drink all over you, and still claim to be completely sober. Not only will she claim to be sober but she’ll blame her drunken klutziness on you, “OMG get the feck out of my way, asshole.” Unless you’re in desperate need of ass (and you’re an extremely patient deaf) it’s in your best interest to stay away from her. That is unless you’re prepared to deal with her constant bitching and annoying drunken antics. By the end of the night you can find her in the corner crying after her long distance boyfriend back home got tired of her premeditated texts and stopped responding. Her friends would be comforting her if they didn’t hate her so much.
Everyone’s Best Friend
You’ll always find him with a beer in hand making his way throughout the party engaging in conversation with every single person he sees. Ask him if he wants to shotgun or do shots and he’ll never turn you down. Overall, this guy’s pretty harmless. His only downside, however, is that as the night goes on he starts to become more annoying. He’ll usually address people by stating who he is over and over. He may also be making rounds because he’s convinced that he’s the most important person there. He’ll also annoy The Drinking Game “Expert” by interrupting the game and asking for a celebrity shot.
The Camera Whore
McCoy could be out in the backyard making history by funneling over half handle, but instead of having it documented for the Guinness Book of World Records you’ll find the only person with a camera in the bathroom with all her sorority sisters taking pictures. Meet The Camera Whore, as if the hundreds of photos she’s already uploaded on Facebook weren’t enough, posing in front of the mirror holding up her sorority gang sign will certainly add some originality, especially after she Instagram’s it. The most trouble she’ll give you though will come the next day, after going through all of the unnecessary photos she chose to upload and untagging yourself in the background.
The Overstayed Alumnus Guy
Sure, it’s always fun to relive your fraternity days of blacking out and getting to gaze at all the walking talent a year or two after leaving, but The Overstayed Alumnus Guy takes it to a whole new level. Besides the fact that you weren’t even in high school when he graduated college, it doesn’t stop him from walking in and acting like everyone there knows him. Whether it’s offering to supply beer so you don’t have to use your fake or teaming up in beer pong, he’s happy to do anything that will let him relive his youth. He’ll usually have stories that involve wild endings with exaggerations and inconsistencies. Towards the end of the night you can usually find him gaining the attention of an oblivious underclassmen. Well played sir… but you’re still a creep.