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Some Dude Had Sex With A Hot Pocket

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You read that correctly. Somebody. Had. Sex. With. A. Hot. Pocket. Full, uncut, raw dog penetration. To answer your next question, yes, he microwaved it beforehand.

It all began innocently enough…

Needless to say, he reached his goal. He posted the video in question to Vine about eight hours later with the hashtag “#FoodPorn.” The video was deleted soon after, and no, I’m not going to post a link to an alternate copy here. You’re some sick motherfuckers for even thinking I would.

I think that’s enough for me, you guys. I’ve given up. In a world where we can share every single moment, song, or image with others thousands of miles away, people are getting famous for shooting six-second videos of themselves fucking microwavable snacks. The worst part of it all? The kid is owning it pretty hard right now, and enjoying the hell out of his 15 minutes of fame. Hold on just a second if you think crusty pizza pocket fucking is all fun in games. There are definitely some struggles involved, as our boy @VERSACEPOPTARTS goes on to show.

I don’t know what’s going on with all of the pizza sex lately, but I’m starting to seriously lose faith in humanity. Check out a few more highlights from @VERSACEPOPTARTS time in the spotlight:

Somebody stop this kid before he starts desecrating any more snack foods.

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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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