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No two words strike so much fear into the heart of fraternity men than “social probation.” Except maybe “I’m late.” Regardless, social probation is a rite of passage for every chapter. It’s only a matter of time until some freshman guy is found by his RA passed out while taking a piss in his dorm after attending one of your parties. And while the executive board of your chapter may act like the end is near and you’re all going to have to drop and rush a bottom-tier, we have you covered with tips on how to make your so-pro stint an unforgettable memory.
1. The freshman bar
For most people on so-pro, the biggest problem is meeting girls. Without parties in the house, how else will you meet freshman girls? You don’t have to get creative to solve this problem. While you may not be able to hold events in your house, the freshman bar is always an option. Do you remember the freshman bar? It’s probably been a while.
Now that you have a girlfriend and are objectively less fun than you were first semester of sophomore year, you haven’t really had a reason to go meet freshmen. It has been a while, but you know that when you show up, it will be teeming with other students. If you’re worried about losing valuable time for recruitment or showing face socially, just get your entire contingent to the bar. And if you’re really getting desperate, you can strike out hitting on the new freshman girls.
2. The “Bowling Alley” Ploy
You don’t have to go to a bowling alley, but hear me out. You can effectively take over a bowling alley or unpopular local restaurant pretty easily. Get your social chair to do his job and tell sororities you’re having something at the bowling alley tonight. The beauty of it is that you don’t actually have to pay to enter a bowling alley: there’s no cover, no reservations, and many of them have bars you can drink at.
You can just all show up for nothing even though the sororities think you put effort into it. Now you’re not at an event held by your chapter, but you all just so happen to be in the same place, at the same time, engaging in the same heinous activities you would have in the house. Try reporting that to IFC.
3. Rent an Airbnb
This is by far the most lucrative option — high risk with the potential for high reward. Find a house to rent for the day in the middle of nowhere. For some of you in godforsaken isolated towns like State College and Morgantown, that may not be too hard (that is if the local population has access to internet). Throw a darty at the location and invite the entire world.
The potential for damages is high, but it very well could be the best darty you ever throw. There is just something about sitting on a roof and watching people cause possibly criminally negligent damages to a house that doesn’t belong to you.
Think of social probation not as an impediment, but as an opportunity. It forces you to break the traditional monotonous mold of house parties and break out and try something new. Nobody is going to remember your seventh dingy basement party of the school year, but people will remember the time your vice president got named in a lawsuit for throwing the best off campus event of the year. Don’t pass up this golden opportunity..