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So That Whole ‘Porn Stars Blowing Dudes if the Heat Win an NBA Title’ Thing Actually Happened

After the Miami Heat won the NBA title this past June a lot of people complained, mostly because they hated LeBron James. You know who didn’t complain? The perverted and desperate citizenry of Miami. That’s because in honor of the Heat’s victory, porn stars Sara Jay and Angelina Castro, perhaps the Miami Heat’s only most dedicated fans, decided to memorialize the victory for future generations by, uh, well, swallowing future generations. Long story short they decided to blow a bunch of dudes because the Miami Heat won the title.

There was a catch, however. After all, there’s no such thing as a free blowjob. Well, there is such a thing as a free blowjob, but not for the type of people who would show up to a specific location offering free blowjobs. Those blowjobs are not “free.” The ladies would be filming their oral celebration for a DVD special and a live streaming show. I really, really hope that the DVD special is cut together exactly like Drake’s music video for the song “Forever.” LeBron highlights intercut with two porn stars chugging South Beach’s creepiest dongs? Count me in.

In case you missed the streaming show and don’t plan on buying the DVD, don’t worry, Angelina Castro tweeted out pictures of the event. They are borderline NSFW. They are also awesome.

This first picture pretty much sums up the entire experience. Let’s break it down.

1-2: Guy 1 shows up in an XL football jersey and insanely oversized jean shorts. This is already perfect.

3: Guy 2 is the runaway winner of the biggest creep of the day award by showing up in socks and sandals. Thank you Angelina Castro and Sara Jay. You’ve done Miami a public service. You two blowing socks and sandals guy means at least one less day of him giving himself a subtle OTPHJ on a park bench within viewing distance of a playground.

4: Pretty sure he’s also rocking cargos.

5: And some Eyes Wide Shut mask. I kind of feel dirty just knowing this guy exists.

6: Sara Jay is rocking knee pads. Safety first kids.

A few other observations from the picture. It appears that Sara Jay is giving these two men a rundown on the rules, probably in bullet point form, judging from the finger guns. I hope there’s a power point presentation just off screen. Also, these two guys are sitting uncomfortably close to each other considering that they’re both probably pretty turned on at that moment, especially socks and sandals guy, who’s obviously leaning forward and blousing his shirt over his shorts to hide what has to be an already raging erection. That would explain why football jersey guy is leaning slightly away.

In case you needed more proof that socks and sandals guy was the creepiest man alive:

Look at those eyes. They’re terrifying. These women were lucky to leave with their lives.

Finally we have a picture of Sara Jay in the act of celebrating an NBA Championship, or really anything, the only way she knows how.

In case you were wondering, porn star camera men feel almost as bad about themselves as the porn stars themselves, I’m pretty sure anyway. You’ll also note the bottle of Listerine and baby wipes behind Sara Jay. She’s a pro.

God I hope the Heat repeat next year.

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