======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
This is getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous.
I threw “celebrity” in the title in lieu of her actual name because I have no idea who this chick is, so I assumed many of you didn’t either. I’ve never heard of her. Victoria Justice? Anyone? Bueller? Google tells me she’s some Nickelodeon star/song writer, and Twitter tells me she has almost 4.5 million followers, so she’s obviously a somebody. I asked around the office and none of my coworkers had heard of her either. With that knowledge in hand, you’d think our demographic wouldn’t exactly be in Ms. Justice’s wheelhouse, and that just makes this story all the more peculiar.
So, what the hell’s the matter with this Kevin LaBarbera character, the Sigma Nu from UC-Davis? Doesn’t he know these celebs never say yes, and even if by some miracle they do, they’ll end up wiggling their way out of it anyway? It’s a 100% stone-cold lock of the century that you’ll have to settle for your easy-lay backup plan.
Let’s start calling these corny YouTube videos what they really are: a cheap ploy for fame. Even though you know your celeb crush is not going to accept your shitty invitation to hang out with you and all your nerdy/pervy little friends, they at least have to acknowledge you or the media will shred them. That’s why all you creeps target these nice people. Look at this Victoria Justice chick. Looks like a goddamn sweetheart, man. Little Jake Davidson targeted Kate Upton because she’s sweet as could be, too. It’s unfair to them, it creeps them out, and it’s borderline stalker status.
Watch Kev’s video. Warning: it’s uncomfortably cheesy.
She was (obviously) kind enough to respond. This poor, sweet soul.
“It was really, really sweet of you to invite me to your formal. Unfortunately, I’m not going to be around that weekend because I’m performing at a private party.”
Translation: No way in hell I’m going to your formal, you fucking dweeb. Now leave me alone. P.S. Your ears look weird.
At the end of the day, I think I’m most pissed off at his fraternity brothers. Where were you on this one, guys? How could you let Kevin go through with such an embarrassing atrocity? Every UC-Davis Sigma Nu wingman card has been revoked indefinitely. Shameful.
She is pretty cute, though.