SEC Fines Auburn For Fans Rushing Field After Iron Bowl Win; Ole Miss And Mizzou Fined As Well

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For a while now, the NFL has been known as the “No Fun League.” The league has outlawed all sorts of lighthearted tomfoolery over the last few years, whether it be group touchdown celebrations, a wide receiver graphically miming the sexual congress he claims to have had with the defensive back’s wife after hauling in a seven-yard completion, or cocaine. The players need to stay focused on the game, and there’s nothing fun about a game, darnit.

Apparently, the Southeastern Conference decided to get in on the no fun, as well, because it has just levied fines against three of its schools (Auburn, Ole Miss, and Missouri) for allowing fans to rush the field after big wins this past football season, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s Mizzou beat writer, Dave Matter.

I doubt Auburn gives any fucks at all about their fine for the post-Iron Bowl miracle celebration. Aside from everyone having way too much fun that night to care, if 5k is the only hit they take for what very well could have turned into a riotous victory orgy, causing every building and urethra in town to burn, then they’re doing just fine. Mizzou’s $5,000 fine for rushing the field on the same night, after their SEC East clinching win over Texas A&M, isn’t so bad, either. That amount of money is nothing to even a mid-major program, let alone two SEC schools. That’s money they shake their dicks at. Jay Jacobs and Mike Alden can pay it in straight cash, homey.

The Ole Miss fine for rushing Vaught-Hemingway’s field after a victory over LSU, however, while totally manageable, is significantly steeper.

Ole Miss only rushed the field once this year, but did so last year as well after a win over rival Mississippi State. The accumulation of fines based on field and court rushing lasts three years. After three years without an infraction a school goes back to zero. The SEC instituted these field (and basketball court) rushing rules back in 2004, according to USA Today.

Southeastern Conference schools must prevent fans from rushing onto the basketball court and football field or face fines that could reach $50,000.

A new sportsmanship policy announced Tuesday would assess a $5,000 penalty for fans coming onto the playing surfaces for football and men’s or women’s basketball. Second offense is up to $25,000, and a third and any subsequent offense could cost $50,000. Commissioner Mike Slive has discretion to levy the fines, according to the SEC release.

I guess the SEC needs an alternate acronym explanation now. Spoil Every Celebration? Strangle Everything Cool? Suck Excitement Completely? Stab Every Child? Whoa, sorry, don’t know where that last one came from. My mind wanders to dark places when I’m hungover in the office.

Understandable as the discouragement of field and court rushing may be from an administrative perspective, it still sucks. I’ve personally rushed both, and holy crap it’s a blast. Being all drunk and celebrating a huge, exciting win with random fans, sloppily trying over and over to pull a VJ Day style kiss with literally anything female, those females choosing instead to victory slap your win face. All so much fun.

It doesn’t seem like court rushing will be much of a concern in the SEC, since only about five schools in the conference are aware that basketball exists, but every school is going to rush the field at some point. All fines are really going to do is force stadium security to try to do its job harder, and consequently cause shitfaced and overly stimulated fans to push back even more. After Auburn’s Iron Bowl win, I received an email from a fan telling me about how he and his friend basically assaulted a security guard because that guard was sort of in their way and FUCK YOU, WAR EAGLE! I can only imagine what would have happened if that poor, absurdly ill equipped security guard had put in a full effort, but I’m guessing the end result would have involved those fans leaving with some sort of human trophy.

Lighten up, SEC. Aside from the people who are getting hurt, nobody’s getting hurt.

[via Twitter, USA Today]


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