Scientists Discover The Average Bone Sesh Lasts 5 Minutes And We Need To Up Our Efficiency

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A psychologist at the University of Queensland recently conducted a study to discover the average duration of intercourse, from the time the penis goes in to the time of ejaculation.

500 couples participated in the study over the course of four weeks, flicking on a stopwatch right before penetration.

The fastest time? 33 seconds. The slowest? 44 minutes.

From Daily Mail:

The best study we have estimating the average time to ejaculation in the general population involved 500 couples from around the world timing themselves having sex over a four-week period – using a stopwatch.

That is as practically awkward as it sounds: participants pressed ‘start’ at penile penetration and ‘stop’ at ejaculation.

You may note this could affect the mood somewhat, and might perhaps not exactly reflect the natural flow of things.

But science is rarely perfect, and this is the best we’ve got.

So what did the researchers find?

The most striking result is that there was a huge amount of variation.

The average time for each couple (that is, averaged across all the times they had sex) ranged from 33 seconds to 44 minutes.

That’s an 80-fold difference.

So it’s clear there’s no one ‘normal’ amount of time to have sex.

The average (median, technically) across all couples, though, was 5.4 minutes.

This means that if you line up the 500 couples from shortest sex to longest sex, the middle couple goes for an average of 5.4 minutes each time they do it.

The study also found that both condom use and circumcision had little to no effect on the results. Now, I can’t slide on my severed foreskin to try out the latter, but I know from firsthand experience that the condom part is bullshit. No way does it have zero effect. Even if you’re rocking a top-of-the-line, ultra-thin wang sheath, you’re still going to last longer. I know guys who insist on wearing condoms for this very reason (the safety part doesn’t really cross their mind). Maybe Queensland just has super advanced condom tech made out of snake skin or kangaroo pouch or some shit. I dunno.

The study also found that the older a couple is, the shorter the sex. Makes sense. Even though the nerves in a geezer’s dick are shot, his wife still looks like total shit naked — he’s trying to bang real fast, strictly out of necessity, then get some shut eye.

But the most interesting thing I learned from this article was why we take so much longer than other mammals to nut. What is the evolutionary significance? You’d think lightning fast sexy-time would be the pinnacle of efficiency. In fact, I had always chalked up my short and sweet lovemaking to having evolutionarily superior loins.

Turns out, scientists now believe that the hood of the male’s dick acts as a sort of pussy shovel, scooping out other men’s semen to make room for his own. Proper digging takes some time.

Incidentally, this could explain why it becomes painful for a man to continue thrusting after ejaculating, since that would risk scooping out his own semen as well.

Mind = blown. You’re welcome for the pillow talk, btw.

[via Daily Mail]

Image via Shutterstock

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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