Everyone seems to be under the impression that the key to a healthy relationship is to grab your significant other and go hiking or cuddle or talk about your feelings and shit. Fuck that. Science says get drunk instead.
SUNY (State University of New York) Buffalo has concluded that couples who drink together stay together. Dr. Gregory Homish of SUNY Buffalo has spent the last decade studying the behavior and satisfactions of couples. He recently came to the conclusion that couples with similar vices (such as alcohol) and levels of engagement with such vices are likely to be content with their relationship. The correlation was especially prevalent for alcohol consumption. In other words, booze with your boo for a successful relationship!
Aside from the use of the term “boo,” everything about that paragraph is fantastic. It only makes sense that a girl who likes to get fucked up would be the one willing to stick it out with you for the long haul. She won’t judge you for getting blasted and peeing on things you shouldn’t – she’ll be right by your side, squatting over the side of the cop car with her pants around her ankles. That’s what you call love, folks. Just look at these happy couples.
So if you want to try your hand at going steady in college, find a cheap handle and a girl who’s down for the cause. Alcohol is the glue that will hold your love together..