======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Despite making the greatest apology in the history of Instagram apologies on Friday, the world was not satisfied with Ryan Lochte. Many people pointed out that the whole thing was very inconsistent. Why make up the story at all? Why not just pay the hush money and keep the heat off of you?
Good questions. According to this translation from Portuguese on Brazil’s Jornal Nacional news program done by Deadspin.com Lochte says he was drunk when he made it all up.
Lochte: I think we were still in shock but we were trying to forget everything and we were still intoxicated. Not that I’m saying that alcohol is an excuse, it isn’t, especially the actions I took. But we were very intoxicated.
Q: You were on TV the next day.
Lochte: It was hours later, so I was still intoxicated.
Well, that makes a lot more sense.
I’ve been conflicted covering this Ryan Lochte fiasco this week now that I know what actually happened. On the one hand, being a world class athlete that gets super drunk, wrecks a bunch of stuff, intimidates a foreigner, lies about it and then escapes the country before the cops can catch him is definitely a TFM. But on the other hand, as many of our commenters pointed out, positioning it so you come off as a blubbery-faced victim in the story and then abandoning your friends to take the heat for you is weak shit.
I want to applaud Lochte for explaining away his dumbass behavior by saying he was hammered, something all of us have proudly done many times before, but this just feels really insincere.
Instead of coming off like the boss that gets blitzed enough to not give a shit about lying on international television, this story reeks of a stupid freshman getting fucked over by his first experience chugging dorm room vodka.
True champions embrace their alcoholism with a shrug and a wink. Next, Lochte will come out and tearfully confess he’s going to rehab. Hard pass.
Piss poor performance Lochte. Piss poor.
Image via YouTube