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Ryan Lochte May Have Made Up Robbery Story, Skipped Town So Now We’ll Never Know

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Ryan Lochte

Just a couple days ago, Twitter was hopped up on the news that Ryan Lochte and other members of Team USA were robbed by armed assailants posing as cops.

Hey, it’s Rio. No big surprise.

But now it turns out that there are a lot of unresolved questions about Lochte’s harrowing ordeal that might slow down his efforts to sell the made-for-TV movie rights.

From CNN:

A Brazilian judge has issued a search and seizure warrant for US Olympic swimmers Ryan Lochte and James Feigen as questions emerge about their account of being robbed at gunpoint early Sunday in Rio de Janeiro.

Police arrived Wednesday morning at the Olympic Village to take the swimmers’ passports and gather further testimony from them about the reported robbery, US Olympic Committee spokesman Patrick Sandusky said.

Innnnteresting. On first glance, it seemed to me like the other crooked cops were just bummed they didn’t get a poke at that sweet Lochte pot. Obviously, they got the judge to order the swimmers’ passports seized so the whole police force could get a fair shot at robbing them. It’s the only logical explanation.

But apparently Lochte and the other swimmers showed up at the Olympic Village later that night with most of their valuables and also were generally in good spirits, which is not how you imagine people existing if they’ve had the barrel of a gun pressed up against your forehead, as Lochte claims. Also, none of the robbers shaved that dead rat off his head, which is literally the first thing I would have done if I had Lochte at gunpoint. Very suspicious. My guess is that when you swim in the shadow of someone like Michael Phelps, you’ll do anything to get attention. That, or Lochte and the swim team were trying to cover for killing or hooker or something.

As of the seizure order, Lochte and the swimmers had already left the country. Oh well. Tough shit, Brazil. Your country sucks.

[via CNN]

Image via Instagram/@ryanlochte

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Doctor Franzia

*Not qualified to practice medicine*

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