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Russell Wilson Can Have Sex Again After Wasting Two Years Of His Life

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Russell Wilson

Russell Wilson: Seattle Seahawks star quarterback, 2012 Rookie of the Year, Super Bowl XLVIII champion, 3x Pro Bowler, and now no longer a born-again Christian virgin.

According to E! Online, Wilson tied the knot at a private ceremony with Ciara.

Wilson took to Twitter to display his gratitude for the support he received once the news of his wedding had gone public:

I’m sure you are “overflowing with blessings,” Russell. For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, Wilson and Ciara agreed to no pre-marital sex due to their religious beliefs. Let me clarify that neither is a virgin, they both just happened to find God, I guess, after dealing with prior failed relationships before getting together.

Wilson and Ciara have a lotttttt of catching up to do. Nothing is off limits after waiting two years to bump uglies. Wilson is a highly-conditioned athlete and Ciara is as fine as they come. Cue Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long” already.

Eh, who am I kidding? Here’s a more realistic look at Russell Wilson’s wedding night after two years of cracking stick:

Here’s hoping Ciara gets knocked up with triplets after their first time. Now that would be karma. You both just wasted two years of your prime not having sex, so here’s a three-headed monster to ruin your social lives. God has a sick sense of humor like that.

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Image via Instagram/ @dangerusswilson

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If you take everything I've accomplished in my entire life and condense it down into one day, it looks decent!

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