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Going through rush gives you the opportunity to get a first-hand look at fraternity life and what it entails for your future. Obviously, rush events are the key to success for any fraternity striving to land a solid pledge class. Not only do these events allow rushees to form bonds with some of the active brothers that will be molding them into men during pledgeship, but they also allow fraternities to weed out weird, awkward nerds.
The planned rush parties your fraternity puts on should be a lot more fun than the typical hour spiel you dish out during formal rush, because those rushees end up hearing the same shit, the same damn stories, at every fraternity, then they meet a few guys and its on to the next house. Rush parties are all about getting fucked up, finding out which rushees can actually carry a conversation with a female, and making sure you’re not giving bids to guys that are going to bitch out during pledgeship.
Looking back at the experiences I had during rush, there were a few shitty events that I don’t really remember, because they were shitty, and there were a few awesome parties that I don’t really remember, because they were awesome. In honor of the upcoming release of “Total Frat Movie,” where the main character has to find 15 new members by the end of rush week to save his house and maintain his father’s legacy on campus, here are some essential rush staples that need to be on your fraternity’s social calendar for the upcoming semester.
The Paint Party
Who doesn’t enjoy a good old-fashioned paint party? Nobody, that’s who. When you combine girls in short shorts, white crop tops or tank tops, a shitload of paint tubes, lasers and enough alcohol to tranquilize a Phi Mu in the wild, you’re going to have yourself a good night. The rushees won’t know what the fuck is going on. The bliss is almost too much to handle. This gives those little turds a chance to let loose and show you that they can hang in the most extreme of party environments, which is exactly the point of a rush event, while you have the opportunity get belligerent and hit on chicks who are all multi-colored blurs of general attractiveness.
The River Trip
If you’ve never been on a river trip, then you’re missing out on one of the greatest drinking experiences that planet Earth has to offer. Floating in a tube while consuming massive amounts of beer and pissing yourself mid-conversation is the best way to get to know people. Floats can range from two hours to all fucking day, so you’ll have plenty of time to get incredibly fucked up along the way, and you can bring around lots of babes in skimpy bikinis that show the rushees you pull weird amounts of ass. If the rushees you bring out can’t have fun and make a good impression during a fucking float, you knock them out of their tubes and never speak to them again.
Tour De Franzia
Probably my favorite summer rush event, because it was more party than rush event, was the Tour De Franzia. The people who went home for the summer would come back for it, so it gave the rushees a solid taste of what our parties were like. Lots of spandex and bikinis from the ladies, which is always nice. We rented an inflatable slip and slide and had big wheel races. It was my first introduction to “slap the bag,” and I’ve been slapping the bag ever since. This was also where I was first introduced to kamikaze shots, and got my first OTPHJ, which was given to me by a sophomore DG who was known for getting perennially blacked out and giving out OTPHJs like they were candy. Good stuff all around.
Case Race With A Date
The case race is a great way not only to get to know a rushee, but also to showcase your supreme drinking abilities. One date, one case of beer, and a race to claim yourself as the undeniable drinking champion. So what if your date is only going to down four beers? More for you and the dipshit rushees. Nothing is off limits here. Shotguns are encouraged. Find out what those kids can do...