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Dr. Ron Paul’s 3rd presidential campaign is in high gear. The 76 year old libertarian from South Texas might be a Viagra and a strong coffee away from his death bed, but his passion for futile campaigns is unwavering. This might be Paul’s last hoorah. The perennial fringe candidate of choice has even resigned from his beloved south Texas congressional seat to “focus” on his 3rd bid for the Oval Office.
Paul is a very polarizing politician, mainly due to his uncompromising positions on just about everything. Federal Reserve? End it. Drugs? Legalize them, all of them. Welfare? Nope. IRS? Gone. Prostitution? Definitely. Get the picture? The guy is definitely opinionated. His views may have pushed him to the fringe of national politics before, but he’s been given new life. He’s been called the “intellectual godfather” of the Tea Party, and he’s hoping to ride that wave to the White House.
So in preparation for the GOP primary, here’s what you need know about Ron Paul.
He Loves The Constitution: Like a GDI and mediocrity, Ron Paul and the constitution are meant to be. Paul has been America’s self -proclaimed defender of the constitution for 30 years. Don’t believe me? Some people sleep with a bible on their nightstand, but he sleeps with a copy of the Bill of Rights under his pillow because “there’s nothing like the feel of freedom after a long day.” A little creepy, I admit, but you’ve got to admire the commitment. It has simplified the way he approaches political issues. Want to know what Ron Paul thinks? Check the constitution. If it’s in there he likes it. If not, fuck it.
He’s A Ladies Man: In every sense of the word. Paul’s seen more than 4,000 women spread eagle since 1960. 40 years and running? Take that, Hef. He has such a reputation with the ladies that his first congressional victory was attributed to the number of women who voted for him. That’s crazy. Women can vote? And yes Paul is a Gynecologist but, one fact is undeniable, bitches love him. So can he ride the female vote all the way to the White House? I don’t know. Ask Hillary.
A Shot of Liberty with a Sprinkle of Freedom: This is Paul’s solution to every problem there is. Paul can somehow turn every answer into a spiel about personal liberty and the government treading on our freedom. I share his sentiment, but Jesus Christ man, answer the goddamn question. I know the founding fathers wanted a hands off government but they also wore wigs and didn’t have electricity so I don’t think trying to determine what George Washington would think about NAFTA is really the best way to go.
There you have it. The man, the myth, the … Well that’s it really. Until next time,
Ron Paul 2012: Sprinkle Some Fucking Freedom On It.