Current Events

Romney Tax Return Theft Probably Total Bullshit

Reddit is all abuzz about a story from the Nashville City Paper concerning the “hacking” (quotes added since Hugh Jackman was apparently not involved, therefore making it not a real hack) of Mitt Romney’s tax returns.

Obviously, this is a big deal given that Mitt’s been less than forthcoming concerning his taxes (for good reason, rumor is that he had negative taxes from 2003-2007). However, the Wall Street Journal is now reporting that this story of liberal bravery is probably a hoax/fabricated as fuck. Our good buddies over at PricewaterhouseCoopers have this to say:

“We’re aware of the allegations that have been made about improper access to our systems. We are working closely with the United States Secret Service, and at this time, there is no evidence that our systems have been compromised or that there was any unauthorized access to the data in question.”

Additionally, the “hackers” are demanding $1 million dollars for these documents to remain a secret, OR the same price from anyone wanting to see them. Sounds like bullshit to me. But let’s pretend it’s true for a second.

Mitt Romney fans: the problem with blackmailers is that you can’t trust them. Hasn’t anyone seen Runaway Jury? They’re just going to take the money and then release the info anyway. And then you’re going to be like Gene Hackman, running around and looking all stupid with your goatee and shit. So learn your lesson here early, don’t pay them any money, and don’t grow a goatee.

[via WSJ]

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Sterling Cooper

Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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