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Rollins College Has Pre-Crime Technology, Suspends All Fraternities For Future Tragedy

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All six fraternities at Rollins College have been put on suspension until further notice by student affair officials for the Greek organizations’ “high risk behaviors.” The decision by the small private liberal arts school in Winter Park, Florida was not a reaction to any particular incident, but an attempt to send “a strong message” to members to change their “troubled” ways and potentially prevent a future tragedy.

From the Orlando Sentinel:

Fraternities will not be allowed to conduct meetings or activities. The school also canceled next month’s Greek Week activities, which featured dodge ball and tug-of-war, for both fraternities and sororities.

Weyant said the decision was made for “the safety and well being” of all fraternity and sorority students, along with the community. No sororities were suspended, however.

Makes sense. We don’t need these hooligans running amok in their chapter meetings discussing philanthropy and service projects or getting into dangerous sober predicaments like dodgeball or tug-of-war. I’m sure that time they would normally spend participating in things they pay tuition for like intramural sports and school sponsored events will be replaced with study and reflection and not brothers getting trashed on Park Avenue out of sheer boredom. Wine Room’s about to pop off at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday.

I’ll just never understand the logic of colleges taking good, clean fun away from fraternities in hopes that they stop getting into risky situations. Granted, they are basing this suspension off something that hasn’t even happened yet, so I’m not entirely sure it’s a sensible bunch in the Rollins administration office to begin with.

I mean fucking pre-crime? Does Rollins just have a group of precogs laying in a tank all day projecting forthcoming visions of pledges getting sodomized with cucumbers or guys in croakies drunkenly urinating on school property? I get it — you’re a private institution — but I just think your money and resources could be better spent on something other than recreating frat Minority Report.

[via Orlando Sentinel]

Image via Youtube

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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