According to the New York Times more than 1/3 of Americans don’t even know if “Obamacare” is a law or not, a quarter of us don’t know what role Joe Biden fills in government, and over half of us have no idea what party our two United States Senators subscribe to. Needless to say, our electorate is largely comprised of the misinformed, leading to baffling decisions against self-interest (and intent) in the voting booth.
So, here’s an easy quiz to show, at least ideologically, what candidate best suits you this November:
Caitlin Jenner walks into the Ladies room, you should:
A. Welcome her and be thankful she has graced you with her presence.
B. You’re okay with it now, but you wouldn’t have been in the past, yet act extremely pleased to see her.
C. Offer her a copy of the Bible before physically removing her from the room.
D. Go about your business not giving a fuck.
E. You don’t approve, but it’s not your place to say anything or to be outwardly rude.
Corporate Taxes are:
A. Way too low. Fuck Wall Street. I live on Main Street with the rest of you.
B. Let’s close the loopholes but allow Wall Street to maintain its vital role in the American economy. Over taxation will lead to more lost jobs abroad.
C. Taxation is out of control. The market will protect consumers, not more government.
D. The system is broken and easily exploited. I know how to fix and cheat the system. Best perspective to correct past mistakes.
E. To be competitive in a global market our corporate tax rate must be too. Let’s center around the world average, letting the market dictate the rest.
A. It’s her choice no matter what. A “fundamental right” as stated in Roe v. Wade.
B. Have always been pro-choice, continue to believe in use of contraceptives and sexual education to prevent abortion, but the woman’s choice.
C. God did not intend for the abortion of human life, even in the case of rape and incest.
D. Used to be pro-choice, realized the error of my ways. Not driven by religion, but by what is right.
E. A person of faith cannot accept death of innocent life, though as a father I think there is debate as to the case of rape.
A. Was in favor far before it was “cool.”
B. Wasn’t a fan in my younger years (or at least wasn’t sure) but now all for it.
C. God would not stand for this. Formally supported sodomy laws, unclear on civil unions.
D. Used to be indifferent towards it, now would like to overturn marriage equality.
E. The law is the law and I will support marriage equality as long as Obergefell remains good law.
A. Great for the peace and safety of the world, strongly in support.
B. A good start but perhaps too lenient in some ways on Iran. Will need to be reassessed and closely monitored.
C. Horrific, must be overturned day 1.
D. Horrific, must be overturned day 1.
E. Not a fan, but calling for the unilateral “overturn” on the first day of a presidency is not only irresponsible, but impossible.
A. The Palestinians have been discriminated against; I can empathize with the PLO and have publicly said so.
B. Staunchly in support of Israel and Netanyahu, understanding Hamas is a terrorist organization.
C. Those who hate Israel hate America. Hardline stance.
D. Will vow to protect Israel against any threat, our closest and only true ally in the entire region.
E. Support Israel, but at one point thought aid to the Israelis should be halted (too costly and inefficient). Now have changed my mind.
A. Needs to be eradicated via legislation immediately.
B. Is inherently unfair and people need to learn more about why this is so, and continues to happen.
C. The free market will dictate wages and fix any issues.
D. If a woman does as good of a job as a man, her employer will pay her the same. It’s simple: if you run a business you want good workers, you pay them their worth regardless of gender. No law needed.
E. Paid leave hurts equal pay, unfortunate but a reality.
A. Okay for sport; have dabbled with the NRA in the past. Very against high caliber weapons.
B. Very weary of gun ownership, need more screening and police to take assault weapons off the streets. 2nd Amendment has limits.
C. The 2nd Amendment is one of the cornerstones of our Bill of Rights and must be protected.
D. I have a concealed weapon permit and any good American who wants one should have one. Could help protect against massacres like Paris.
E. A gun owner but historically willing to compromise on 2nd Amendment issues for the safety of the country.
The biggest problem in America today is:
A. The rich are getting richer as the middle class nears extinction. Wages are far too low and the income disparity is out of control.
B. Nobody really knows the main problem, but there are problems.
C. We are abandoning the constitution and living in an era of restricted personal liberty while allowing forces abroad to strengthen as we downsize our military.
D. The United States has become a joke, both in trade and foreign diplomacy. We just keep losing.
E. We cannot find a balance between growing the middle class and allowing big business to flourish; attracting more companies and subsequent jobs to great American cities.
President Obama is:
A. A very good President, but could have done more of what he proposed on the campaign trail in 2008.
B. A very good President that I have supported and worked hand in hand with. We have differences, but common goals.
C. The worst President of the modern era.
D. Possibly the end of the United States as we know it (and not in a good way).
E. I do not agree with much of his policy, but respect him and his service to the nation.
A. Way too watered down with compromise, still doesn’t fix a broken system.
B. A nice offset of something I pushed twenty years earlier.
C. Inherently un-American and must be repealed day 1.
D. I want to repeal it, replace it with something better that helps more people.
E. I’m not a fan of it, but it is the law and repealing something “day 1” is idiotic and not the correct way for our government to function.
Bonus Question: Friday night you get off work and have a:
A. Craft cider with very little alcohol but “it’s organic.”
B. A workingman’s whiskey that you pretend to like but gag after every sip.
C. An expensive scotch.
D. Nothing, you don’t waste time drinking knowing the dangers and risks.
E. A glass of good red wine in extreme moderation.
Choose two answers from each question that best represent your views. Each top choice is worth 5 points, with a “second choice” worth 3. At the end of the quiz, add your total points for each letter (A, B, C, D, and E) and rank your top two letters based on point amounts.
A = Bernie Sanders
B = Hillary Clinton
C = Ted Cruz
D = Donald Trump
E = John Kasich
While this is by no means science, all of the above answers (including the bonus) are rooted in fact found either on the respective campaign websites, or quotes explicitly attributable to each candidate during a debate.
My results? Maybe Trump really will make American great again..
Image via YouTube