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1. What do you think of Drake’s new album?
Overly long, boring, too reliant on low- and mid-tempo beats, poor features. 5/10.
2. JOHN CENA?
3. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex?
The one time your mom went on holiday to the south of France. Just kidding, I was there.
4. What’s your favorite drink to order at the bars?
Lately, I really enjoy an ice cold Texas Tea. It’s like a Long Island Iced Tea, but with tequila instead of rum and probably some other changes. I can down almost one of them without getting drunk, it’s insane.
5. What’s the longest you’ve gone without showering?
Two weeks one summer, and I will do it again. It’s really quite liberating.
6. Can you tell the difference between regular and diet coke?
I don’t drink soda unless it’s with JACK! Man, I go so hard.
7. How do you feel about the French not helping us in Iraq?
We don’t need help.
8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Bitch I am grown. I’ve already made more money than a migrant worker in the 1960s would make in his whole life, if he lived to be 25 and did not put in any overtime.
9. What is your workout routine? If you even have one. Bitch.
Chest, arms, chest and Zumba. Every damn day.
10. What kinds of pickup lines do you use?
I’ve found that many women in the Baby Boomer generation are several years behind on killer pickup lines, so I tend to try them out on that crowd.
11. How is the weather outside today?
It’s pretty nice out.
12. Got any good stock tips?
I do have stock tips, but not good ones. If I could buy stock in people, I’d be picking up 20,000 shares of Shia LeBouf. Trust me, he’s about to make big moves, I’m talking bigger than Holes..