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1. Why do you hate Trump?
I don’t. I just think he’s run his course and is having trouble appealing to the people that supported him from the beginning. Don’t worry, I’m still a cuck and a libtard.
2. How much alcohol do you consume on a daily basis?
Drank like 6 beers yesterday after work, totally passed out on my kitchen floor and woke up with a gnarly headache. Shit was INSANE, haters gonna say it’s fake.
3. Is there a reason you’re a bitch, or were you just born that way?
They ain’t made me who I am, they just found me like this. That’s a Drake lyric for your hatin’ ass, though you didn’t deserve it.
4. Would you rather your future daughter have no friends or be a slut?
No friends. I’m naming her Midge or Eunice and sending her to an all-girls’ boarding school in Greenland.
5. Would you rather masturbate to Two Girls One Cup or The Human Centipede?
Human Centipede doesn’t really do it for me anymore, but I heard they made a sequel. Inconclusive.
6. How did you start writing for TFM?
I sent them some shit, and it was the greatest thing they’d ever seen. After clearing my inbox of all the offers from The Wall Street Journal and Forbes, I decided to keep writing frontent (frat content).
7. What’s your favorite movie?
Spy Kids 2.
8. Do you get discouraged by some of the negative comments you get?
No, because I know I could beat up any of you in real life. Unless you can bench more than me. What do I bench? It’s between 185 and 400, so you decide. It could be 400 twenty times, or it could be 185 with help. Who knows?
9. Are you sad about the result of the Copa America?
Not really. I didn’t bet hundreds of dollars on it like Dan’s bitch ass.
10. What’s a cool story from your fraternity days?
I’m still in my fraternity days. This one time, my bros and I were really well-behaved, didn’t cause any trouble, and made the surrounding community a better place. Got that, nationals?
11. Are you friends with the TSM intern?
I would say we’re more than friends. Asked her out to see Finding Dory yesterday and got a swift rejection but I know I have to be persistent. She just looked at me as I was writing this. You know what that means, boys. I’m getting FRENCH TONIGHT! BT dubs, it’s not Sydney. She is a TFM intern, idiots.
12. What is the city of Austin, Texas like?
It’s a lot of fun, pretty much everything is a bar in this town. There’s literally a bar right next to a Planned Parenthood near my apartment. The sorority girls at UT are generally attractive, but they all wear that stupid norts and oversized t-shirt outfit, which brings them down quite a bit. I know that telling women what they should look like is rape culture, but I can’t have a serious discussion about the topic with someone who looks like they only dress themselves while having a stroke. Aaaand we’re done here..
If you have questions for Intern Wes, tweet them to @westifer33