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Public Service Announcement: Stop Jumping On Stage With Riff Raff Or His Body Guard Will Destroy You

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How many people need to die before we realize that jumping on stage at a Riff Raff concert is ill-advised? I’d actually argue that going to the concert is reckless behavior that should cause you to reevaluate certain aspects of your life, but some of you will make that mistake and berating you for it just seems counterproductive. Instead, I want to save those adventurous souls that have thought “Yeah, I’ll take a run at Riff Raff” from being brutally and publicly murdered.

In my 23 years on this planet, I’ve never seen a body guard react and dispose of threats faster than Riff’s. We’re talking secret service level of awareness meets the physical tools of an NFL linebacker. Don’t believe me? Well, let’s look at the tape then.

This was from a few weeks ago when some jabroni actually tapped Raff on the shoulder:

Remember playing Madden and the gratification that came along with a perfectly timed hit stick? Well this is as close to the real life version as it gets. His lifeless corpse was then casually tossed to the wayside like he was an unwanted piece of trash that made its way on stage.

Then today this video dropped:

The kid got powerbombed eighteen rows back in one swift motion. If we forget that the fan’s undoubtedly in a fully vegetative state, we can appreciate just how damn impressive this glorified bouncer really is. So much raw talent and upside, you just have to imagine he’ll be moving on to bigger and better things.

But for now, he’s still very much at play and will annihilate anyone that dares cross that crowd-stage threshold. You’ve all been warned.

Image via Youtube

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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