After years of leading the nation in corn dildo manufacturing and conjugal visits with corrupt politicians, the state of Illinois finally has something to be proud of after the Princeton Review named the University of Illinois as the top party school in the U.S.
Coming in at a respectable 5th and 3rd place the past two years, the Princeton Review apparently felt that enough Illinois students have Google searched “Does Obamacare cover liver transplants” and gone on acid-fueled manhunts for John Wilkes Booth at the instruction of Abe’s statue in Lincoln Hall, to warrant the first place spot this year.
Here are the top ten schools from Princeton Review:
1. University Of Illinois
2. University Of Iowa
3. University Of Wisconsin
4. Bucknell University
5. Syracuse University
6. University Of California – Santa Barbara
7. West Virginia University
8. University Of Georgia
9. Tulane University
10. Colgate University
Of course, University of Illinois administrators aren’t quite as thrilled as the students may be with the honor that has been bestowed upon the school.
From the Chicago Tribune:
“University spokeswoman Robin Kaler was bothered by the No. 1 ranking- a first for the campus, which has been among the list’s top five for years- and said it painted students in a false light.”
Yes, this coming from the school where a real life porn star was brought in by a residence hall to remind the future female leaders of our country to not forget to work the balls, too.
But to hell with the administration. You keep doing your thing, Illinois, and keep on drinking dangerous amounts of your infamous Blue Guys until you look like a student body of asphyxiated Smurfs.
Oh, and don’t forget about John Wilkes Booth. Make Abe proud..
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