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President Warren G. Harding’s Sexting Game Was On Point

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President Warren G. Harding, long considered mediocre and forgettable because he got sick and died in office between two much more interesting presidents, has radically altered his image, thanks to a series of letters and photos locked away by his mistress. Harding, who was apparently pretty unhappily married, had a mistress on the side. He sent her some pretty sexually explicit* letters and photos, which were recently unearthed.

*For the early 20th century. It’s not like he was telling her a bunch of detailed sex acts in his letters, but he got damn close.

Harding may not have been the greatest president, but he was pretty good with a pen–and presumably Jerry, which is what he named his penis. Not exactly the most powerful or mysterious name, Jerry. However, it seems Jerry had no issues keeping his mistress happy, according to Harding’s own humblebrags.

From Huffington Post:

“My Carrie, Beloved and Adored. . . . I do love you so. . . . I wonder if you realize how much — how faithfully, how gladly . . . how passionately. Yes you do know the last, you must have felt the proof.”

Telling your mistress how much she enjoyed your last sex session. TFM. Not surprising for a guy whose last name is basically a euphemism for having a boner.

Harding then went on in another letter to compare his dick to a majestic mountain with great views and calls it a “heavenly place.”

Also, there’s this one:

“Jerry … came in while I was pondering your notes in glad reflection, and we talked about it … He told me to say that you are the best and darlingest in the world, and if he could have but one wish, it would be to be held in your darling embrace and be thrilled by your pink lips that convey the surpassing rapture of human touch and the unspeakable joy of love’s surpassing embrace.”

I have to give him credit–he makes a phrase that basically means “I want my dick in you again” sound beautiful. Take some notes, gentlemen. It’s a hell of an improvement over “heyyy…” and a grainy dick pic on Snapchat at 3 a.m.

[via Huffington Post]

Image via Youtube

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Scientist, internet comedian, future supervillain. I still refuse to believe I've graduated college.

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