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Power Ranking: Situational Cigarettes

Since the dawning of time, countless men have almost come to blows over the answer to one of life’s most difficult questions: When is the best time to have a cigarette? After extensive research, an answer has been discovered.

3. Pregame

Good luck getting halfway through this square without that sweet, sweet nicotine running through your body like dish soap on a slip and slide.

Target audience: Chumps.

2. Post-meal

 

The post-meal cancer stick is the cigarette of kings, a nice reward for a hard day’s work at the golf course. Henry VIII himself would have enjoyed them. If there is a heaven, the post-meal La-Z-Boy cigarette is what it feels like.

Target audience: People who like to eat, the obese.

1. Post-sex

The popularity of the post-coitus cigarette is well-documented in the movies.

Target audience: The remorseless.

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