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For productive members of society who aren’t aware: this summer has been marred by a ridiculous abundance of hobby poses being captured on camera. First came “planking.”
Hippie Nature Plank
I’ve never seen a craze demean the existence of human life in a more horrifying manner than “planking.” No man should take pride in the fact that he can lay flat on his stomach like a rigor mortis stricken snake. The only time I encourage a similar “activity” is when I force a pledge to “plank” over a puddle so I don’t muddy my boat shoes during a stroll on a rainy day. The fact that thousands of Americans are spending valuable time lifelessly resting atop inanimate objects could explain the unemployment rate. Get a fucking job and stop acting like driftwood. Bums.
Community Bathroom Dorm Plank
Next, “coning” became a phenomenon. Something about spending money just to confuse GDI fast-food employees for personal amusement screams frat. Therefore, I pass no judgment, especially after the following video made me laugh.
Solid awkward comedy, but I shudder thinking about the masses of GDI clown-dicks cruising around town at 11pm on Friday night after eating one-too-many weed brownies, snickering at drive through windows across the country. Plus, it’s doubtful anyone will ever beat “The Warpaint Cone” that the above geed executes flawlessly, so coning is already dead to me, personally.
The Leisure Dive
Then, out of the darkness sprung “The Leisure Dive.” Nothing says, “I’m on cocaine and it’s lunchtime” like The Leisure Dive. This is the epitome of TFTC. The quintessential frat move.
I must say; the current male-to-female leisure dive photo ratio is a bit slanted. I’d like to see some more spectacular racks flying through the air, so I’m encouraging classy ladies nationwide to pull TSMs mid-air and submit them to TotalFratMove.com so I can appreciate their graciousness.
Croquet Mallet Mayhem
Morning Robe Glory
White Trash Pool Dive
This activity can be dangerous. Participate at your own risk. Just because you’re TFTC doesn’t mean you have to be TFSTTBYLD (too fucking stupid to think before you leisure dive).