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Pitt Student Dressed As Spiderman Arrested For Attempted Robbery

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Remember in Spiderman 3 when Tobey Maguire’s Spiderman got infected by the Venom symbiote and turned so “evil” that he styled his hair like a ’00s emo kid, strutted around like a moron, danced outside of a store like your drunk uncle at a wedding, and then further showed off his “bad guy” dance moves at a jazz club?

It pretty much ruined the movie. Actually, that entire movie was awful and pretty much ruined the series.

Anyhow, University of Pittsburgh’s own Spiderman, now de-masked as 21-year-old student Jonathan Hewson, recently went through a very similar transition. He started off with the best of intentions, posing for fans and allegedly partying alongside random admirers across campus.

Like Tobey, things turned dark for Pitt’s Spiderman last night, but instead of transforming into a dancing emo douchebag, Hewson decided to rob a well-known campus convenience store, Atwood Express.

Allegedly, while dressed in full Spiderman regalia, Hewson walked into Atwood Express around 1am and asked the clerk in a loud voice, “How much money you got?” The clerk, perhaps the hero Pitt deserves but not the one it needs right now, pulled a taser on his webbed assailant and Spidey fled the scene. Now that’s a script revision worth watching.

Hewson was found just one block away, still fully decked out in his costume, and was arrested and taken to the Allegheny County Jail in handcuffs. A fellow Pitt student named Steve was quoted today as saying, “And all this time, I thought he was fighting crime, not committing them.”

We can only hope that the “Venom defense” will hold up in court.



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I used to write for TFM and PGP when they were funny.

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