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Pike’s Mom Decorates His “Frat Room,” Blogs About It

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There was nothing more exciting for me than move-in week of my sophomore year. Rush was upcoming, a new crop of freshmen girls were getting ready to “experiment,” and I was finally going to live in the fraternity house. I remember packing my clothes, my bedsheets, my laptop, and a couple handles of my dad’s booze and being excited that my pledge brother, and now roommate, was bringing his enormous flatscreen TV and a futon.

What I don’t remember is asking my mom to decorate my room based on my mental well-being as a peaceful sanctuary, partly because she refused to step into the house but mostly because that would be incredibly fucking lame. Some of us, however, take things above and beyond.

Unfortunately for Connor Vorhaus, a rising sophomore at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and proud member of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, his mother not only decorated his room with “some ancient Feng Shui necessities” but then blogged about it on top of it. Candace Vorhaus, his mother, is an interior designer, Feng Shui consultant, and spiritual coach with both a website and a Huffington Post blog. So what does she do?

Oh my.

Pike Connor got his room decked out with a nice Yankee candle in the window for focus (and lighting cigarettes), a multi-colored area rug to both “ground” and “uplift” him (somehow at the same time), storage units from Bath & Body Works (that he’ll never use and/or store booze in), and a red bed cover to make him “feel powerful and protected” (“Nah babe, this comforter is all the protection I need”). At least she tossed an American flag up there for good measure (though hung incorrectly). Mother Candace claims that Connor’s fraternity brothers think his room is “awesome,” undoubtedly adding silently, “We are going to rip on you for a very long time.” At least here there weren’t…

Wait, what?

Don’t get me wrong, having a decked out room in the frat castle is essential. Pregaming with your brothers while jamming country music and playing video games is a great time. During and after parties you can invite girls upstairs, rip shots, and seal the deal. But having your mom set up “a small mirrored ball, allowing Connor to see behind him without turning around” on your desk and then blog to a very wide audience about how it’s there to protect you?

Mommy decorating your room. It’s a TSM.

[via Huffington Post]


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I used to write for TFM and PGP when they were funny.

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