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What’s in the water in Tempe? It’s like someone backed a dump truck full of primo Columbian marching powder up to an access point in their drinking water supply and unloaded that shit in there. All of it. They literally cannot stop partying, and fighting, and burning each other, and getting arrested, and leaving their friends in front of emergency rooms with Post-it notes attached to them after they’ve whiskeyed themselves unconscious.
It’s been a pretty rough stretch for the Sun Devils. Here’s a quick recap:
March, 2013: A high school student was burned at an ASU fraternity party when someone tossed a bottle of vodka into a bonfire. The bottle exploded and charred the poor girl’s legs. She was subsequently kicked out of the party because aiding and abetting severe burn victims is the quickest way to ruin a good kegger.
April, 2013: A huge brawl broke out at an ASU apartment complex, one that houses a fraternity, in which five people were arrested. The brawl was captured on surveillance video. The video went viral on the internet.
May, 2013: A member of SAE was dropped off at a local emergency room with a BAC of .47 and a Post-it note attached to him that read: “I’ve been drinking and I need some help.” He had been drinking, and he did need some help, but the Post-it-and-ditch method was a questionable plan of action.
On Monday: We reported that 857 arrests had been recorded around the campus of Arizona State during the first two weekends of the 2013 fall semester. No time to waste time. It’s like they’re all setting foot on campus and immediately turning into wild animals with no regard for common civility, if there were a kind of wild animal that likes to booze.
It’s been a wild, wild 2013 for the students of ASU, and we’re only in early September. We’ve got the entire fall semester to look forward to. What more could go wrong? Ah yes, another fraternity brawl, this one occurring in an apartment elevator.
Two members of Pi Kappa Alpha allegedly beat the piss out of a single member of Sigma Phi Epsilon in an elevator earlier this week. He suffered eight facial fractures. The assault is being investigated as a felony.
From ABC 15:
Sergeant Michael Pooley said officers were called to The District Apartments near East Apache Boulevard and Rural Road in Tempe where alleged members of the fraternity Pi Kappa Alpha beat an alleged member of the fraternity Sigma Phi Epsilon in an elevator.
Pooley said one person has been arrested in connection with the attack, but they are still looking for more suspects.
This is being treated very seriously, as it should. I’m unable to find any information about how the fight started, although my hunch says it’s the fraternal version of a Westside Story gang fight involving a couple rival fraternities. How ridiculous. And two-on-one no less. Throw the book at these kids.
Here’s some surveillance video:
Get your act together, ASU. Y’all need Jesus.
Image via Natcom