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The below scavenger hunt checklist was found, according to a tipster that notified the Columbia University publication Bwog, next to a printer, presumably in a campus library, classroom or computer lab of some sort — also presumably by a pledge, who all seem to have the same innate propensity to fuck up at all costs. Who else would be given a list of points-accruing tasks to accomplish that includes items like stealing a hobo’s shoe, piggy-back riding “fat girls,” or upper-decking the toilet at a fancy establishment?
Here’s the list from the Pi Kappa Alpha chapter at Columbia University:
I’d like to bring attention to a few items:
1 copy of tentacle-port video (Hentai or live-action): 5 points
Apparently, tentacle porn is intercourse between an octopus or squid and a female, like the human kind, and it’s usually nonconsensual. It’s squid rape, basically. And it’s disturbing enough that something of this nature actually exists (it does, I looked it up), but the “live-action” option really throws me off. Sick, sick people.
Matt Wang’s glasses: 10 points
This Matt Wang guy must be a real asshole. To be the only person called out by name on this checklist — a list that features some pretty fucked up and degrading shit — he’s got to be biggest square in New York. This makes me really want to know more about Matt Wang. I have to know if he’s as big of a knob as I imagine he is. And if I should continue hating Matt Wang as I’m starting to right now. That four-eyed freak.
Man, screw Matt Wang.
Baby Cat: 20 points
So irresponsible. Who’s gonna take care of this thing? And 20 points!? Finding a kitten is worth twice as many points as convincing fat girls to let you ride them piggy-back style…while racing…and filming it?
Upper-decking the toilet of a fancy restaurant or hotel: 5 points
Five points is simply not enough for this one. Going top deck is a flagrant violation of basic humanity. Someone’s got to fish that turd out of there, man. This is at least a 15-pointer.
Rakob’s soul: 99 points
Anyone know who/what Rakob is? I’d like a backstory here.
And finally…
Video of a pledge poonspeeding (eating pussy while wearing a swimcap and goggles): 25 points
A new sex act is revealed: poonspeeding. I wonder if Matt Wang has ever poonspeeded (poonsped?). That poonspeeding son of a bitch is going to need some corrective goggles for this.
[via Bwog]
“The name’s Wang. Matt Wang. I’m a first-string varsity poonspeeder at Columbia.”
Saw Pike in the headline, didn’t even bother reading. Fuck Pike
Someones pissed about not getting a bid from his first choice.
^^ has nothing better to do than talk shit through a keyboard
^ Gets it
^ That’s the same with everyone that’s not a pike
It’s not shit though. Fuck Pike.
the only shit I see here is Pike.
move along fellas
Surprised butt chugging wasn’t on there
Pike is gayer than AIDS.
Nope.. Pike is about as gay as it gets.
Pike is gayer than Richard Simmons slobbing on a bag of rainbow colored dicks.
They found a cure for HIV, we need something Gayer than AIDS now to link to PIKE.
Gayer than getting HPV from being gang raped by San Francisco hobos.
Brilliant. PIKE is a great organization. Everyone talking trash never seems to throw their own organization out there.
^point and case
FUCK PIKE
You poonspeeding son of a bitch! You old sailor you!
The majority of girls at Columbia must be squirters if the “poonspeeders” are wearing swim caps and goggles.
Rush Pike
I’ll give them points for this. McSorley’s old ale house is FaF, have to buy beers two at a time there.
They deserve to get caught if they were using a school printer.
TFTC
Where are the poonspeeding tryouts?
Fuck Columbia
^Your name sucks
I think, beyond a shadow of a doubt, we can all agree: fuck pike
I think, beyond a shadow of doubt, we can all agree: you lie awake at night crying and masturbating while Elton John plays quietly in the background
What the hell is Rakob’s Soul and why ss it worth 99 points?
I’m going to go with a ginger that is in the pledge class.
^ Fucking this
Oh Pike…
Fuck PIKE. Why the hell is a Harlem Shake video even on that list?
using a school printer like a dumb ass
They forgot to add “drug and rape freshmen girls”
That’s the only thing Pike is good at.
Ba-Zing!
You call that a scavenger hunt?!?
Fuck Pike!
fuck pike