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I didn’t catch the Oakland A’s AL west clinching game or the ensuing celebration the other day because, well, I’m not an A’s fan. I do have great respect for the A’s, as they’re an incredible ball club. Billy Beane is doing a hell of a job, again. Maybe if Hollywood makes another movie about him, they’ll actually focus on the star players he was able to build his roster with instead of acting like a backup first baseman and a quality reliever won Beane a hundred games. Go back and watch Moneyball. Anything missing from that inspiring Cinderella story? Like, say, maybe an almost complete failure to mention that fact that those underprivileged A’s who miraculously won the West with a tiny payroll were rocking a rotation of Hudson, Mulder, and Zito? Three of the best pitchers in the bigs at the time? Funny how nobody in the A’s front office in that film mentioned their three Cy Young candidates for an entire season. Nope, they were too busy wondering why ON BASE MACHINE Scott Hatteberg wasn’t leading them to glory. Seriously, they NEVER MENTION Zito or Mulder, and Brad Pitt makes one passing reference to Tim Hudson that you probably missed. Whatever, at least that movie taught the world what OBP was.
But hey, you didn’t come here to listen to me complain about a movie that came out two years ago; you came to see a baby drinking beer! So without further ado, a baby drinking beer:
The mom is just absolutely shoving that beer bottle into her baby’s mouth. Actually, it’s unfair to assume that she’s the baby’s mom. She could be the worst nanny of all time, or better yet, a ballplayer’s girlfriend who has no idea how to take care of his kid. I really hope the latter is the case, just to imagine the phone call that player got after the mother of his child saw the ex-Hooter’s waitress he’s currently plowing force feed their child Bud Light.
“That SLUT gave our child alcohol! She needs to get it through her WHORE BRAIN that we are not raising our child like he’s being cared for at Hooter’s daycare!”
In the interest of rationality, however, I’m going to assume that was the child’s mother, and that this falls under the “special occasion” rule, like how even if your parents are strict about not drinking underage they still might give you a beer at graduation or on Christmas or something. Still, I’ve never seen the special occasion rule apply to an infant before, but hey, nobody in my family ever won a division title in baseball, so who am I to judge?
Or maybe that family just celebrates way too hard. I’m starting to wonder if that baby was rewarded with a beer when it was born. “Way to slide out of your mom’s birth canal, champ, this Bud’s for you.” I can only imagine what will happen if the A’s win the World Series, which I’m now actively rooting for, just to see if they’ll give this baby a shot of whiskey or a have him bong a Bud Light. Regardless, this kid can already put back more beers than your average 14-month-old, which means he’s a 5-star rush prospect even at this young age. My guess is that baby can handle his liquor better than half the high school frat stars out there.
[via For The Win]