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PGA Tour Winner Skips British Open For Sister’s Wedding, Kicks U.K. While They’re Down

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On the heels of causing worldwide economic panic after leaving the European Union and with England suffering its most embarrassing defeat since losing India to a salt-slinging racist Hindu dwarf, the U.K. has become the laughingstock of the modern first-world. Royal Guards are dropping like flies at the Queen’s 90th birthday in 70 degree heat, soccer coaches are up and quitting after being slain by a guy named Ragnar, and now a PGA Tour winner is kicking this frail nation while it’s on life support and withdrawing from their “sacred” championship of golf. Last week’s Quicken Loans National winner Billy Hurley III has opted to skip something other than Rio de Janeiro’s Zikafest 2016, and will pass on the British Open in favor of his sister’s wedding.

From ESPN:

AKRON, Ohio — Billy Hurley III wouldn’t miss his sister’s wedding for anything — not even the Open Championship.

Hurley won for the first time on the PGA Tour on Sunday at the Quicken Loans National and earned a spot at Royal Troon. One problem: Saturday of the Open is the same day his sister, Megan, is getting married in Virginia.

Hurley called her Tuesday during a practice round at the Bridgestone Invitational and said he would be there. Hurley said his sister was in tears.

Have to revoke the Open Championship’s status as a major, right? Any time a journeyman golfer is declining the offer to play in your tournament, it’s clearly not that big of an event. No chance Billy skips the Masters or U.S. Open to celebrate some dude being inside his sister for the rest of her life. He’d pick something nice off the registry, maybe send a congratulatory text, and go about his business trying to make a cut. Chalk up another L for the U.K.

Side note: kind of a dick move by the sister. There’s legitimately four weekends your brother really cares about a year and you had to go fuck with his livelihood and dreams by getting married during one of them? Poor form. Either she doesn’t love you, Billy, or she’s the most inconsiderate or oblivious person in existence.

[via ESPN]

Image via Youtube

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Dan Regester

Dan Regester @Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer, Podcast Host, and Video Guy for Grandex Media. He's Delco trash to the core and a UCF cinema studies graduate because he never got around to applying to an actual film school. Dan is a gambling man, crypto investor, and procrastinator. He enjoys long walks to the water fountain between bench press sets and is not a fan of the homeless, the elderly, or the Phoenix Airport. Email tips to

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