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Taking the strategy of females across the world, PETA told TFM we should be concerned about our dick size. After we told them to suck it when tweeting about a news story that linked vegetarian diets to a higher risk of cancer, the organization let us know that a meat-eating diet had a far worse consequence: a small penis.
— PETA (@peta) March 31, 2016
The tweet contained a link to their latest campaign video, which warns mothers about the dangers eating meat can have on the size of their son’s Johnson. The creepy as fuck PSA, titled “Eating Chicken Can Make Your Son’s Dick Small,” says phthalates, a group of chemicals used to make plastic, can be found in chicken.
Their data is from a 2008 study, which discussed the effects of the chemical in rodents.
What the video leaves out is that the study showed that the chemicals have “been measured in residential indoor environments in both house dust and indoor air” (cited directly from pdf above), making it pretty much inescapable.
The video states that “a recent study showed that a mother’s poultry consumption during pregnancy correlated with her kid’s penis size.” Once again, there seems to be a disconnect between cause and effect. Did you not pay attention in high school? Or ever? Correlation is not causation. Also, how was this tested? Did you hand-feed moms KFC and then whip out a ruler in the hospital?
My favorite part of this ad is that it is directed specifically at women. As a female, I can say that I have absolutely no concern about my future child’s penis size. Sure, I want the kid to succeed in life, but if it just so happens he isn’t the longest crayon in the box, I’ll be there to pat his back and remind him that size doesn’t matter.
Luckily our boy Barn Slippy shot down the claims from PETA.
@peta bollocks, my parents ate loads of chicken and I'm hung like a fucking stallion!
— Barn Slippy (@Banananey) March 31, 2016
So, once again, suck it PETA..